Natural Progression of Triathlon- Biking

The Natural Progression of Triathlon- Biking is the most easily recognized and pretty much every person in the country has been through this process. The other Natural Progression posts can be found here, here, and here just in case you want to read up on the background. The following progression is for triathletes, if left to their own discretion, will follow through to completion.

Stage 1 Big Wheel or Tricycle


After learning to walk, the earliest form of transportation provides a stable 3-point base. The Big Wheel is characterized by a significantly larger front tire. The entire bike is generally made of cheap plastic, which, for the serious rider, is great for weight reduction. Most parents aren't willing to invest in the all-carbon Big Wheel according to market research. The handle bars are positioned slightly back compared to the vertical in an effort to make the machine more aerodynamic. The Big Wheel may also be the earliest form of recombinant bike as the rider is in a relaxed position.

The athlete may opt for the tricycle, which is closer to a more traditional style of biking in terms of position. It features a ladder at the rear to aid in mounting (a feature that should not have gone away in later steps of the progression). The seat is set in a steeper angle and the frame is traditionally made out of steel. The additional weight generally makes the ride slower and bumpier but energy transfer between the pedals and horizontal motion is more efficient due to the stiffness. Athletes may also gain additional leg strength as compared to their Big Wheel counterparts, but the current research has not been able to substantiate such claims. Whereas the Big Wheel is subject to wear and tear, the tricycle is more sturdy and been know to endure for generations.

Both bikes have a relatively small crank length and fixed gears. This makes it efficient to practice cadence drills and eliminates coasting on the downhills. Should the rider choose to stop pedaling, the brakes are activated. Most models come with a 'wind direction/ speed indicator', which are normally mounted as small streamers off the ends of the handlebars. Optional accessories include a bell, as shown on the tricycle, and a horn (not shown).

Stage 2 Road Bike with Training Wheels

One problem with Stage 1 of the progression is the lack of available sizing. Once the athlete outgrows the machine, he/ she is forced to upgrade to a traditional road bike with training wheels. Now, the athlete must navigate terrain with an additional wheel as compared to the Big Wheel or tricycle. Yet, given the more upright stance and placement of the wheels, the bike is generally less stable than it's 3-wheeled counterparts.

Road bikes are the first bicycle in the stage to feature pneumatic wheels and chain driven propulsion. Most bikes at this stage are fixies with special braking systems. Instead of not-pedaling, the rider must make the effort to pedal backwards to brake. This motion allowed the rider to coast down hills and recover after hard efforts. The con for this system is the athlete no longer is required to focus on cadence. Some bikes, such as the one pictured on the right, are the athlete's first experience with an aerodynamic frame and aero wheels perfect for road racing. The bike on the left may be preparing the athlete for a life in off-road style races.

Stage 3 BMX Style Rides

Eventually, the athlete will gain in bike handling skills and shed the training wheels. It helps if they have a runner in the family who is willing to follow along in the 2-wheel learning experience (I actually ran into the back of a Cadillac during mine). 

For some reason, kids merge into adolescence, they refuse to stop growing. As their mass increases, they need bigger gears to better match their mass-to-power ratios. This, of course, leads to larger bikes. The longer cranks and higher seat posts allow the young, future triathlete to practice their skills at higher speeds. The bikes also feature single gearing options but the braking system has been upgraded. Instead of holding the pedals or pedaling backwards, a lever/ caliper system is now in place. These bikes tend to be cast of steel or aluminum. As kids experiment with their biking skills, they may add tire posts which, contrary to popular belief, do not aid in aerodynamics

Possible Intermediate Stage- Mountain Bike

This stage is optional for many athletes. Whereas most will completely skip this step in the progression, it deserves recognition. Originally crafted as a commuter bike, the technology continued to advance to allow riders to tackle crappy city streets in comfort. The suspension in the front was specially developed for pot holes, curbs, and side walk cracks. As city maintenance went more by the wayside, the soft tail bike was born. Due to aggressive taxi cab drivers, riders decided that biking on paved pathways was no longer safe and found dirt paths and trails to ride. Only in extremely rare occasions will a rider actually cruise on a mountain, making the style of bike a misnomer of sorts. If this stage appeals to you, proceed with caution. Many triathletes never return from the Mountain Bike Purgatory of triathlon.

Stage 5 Road Bike (or ten-speed back in the day)

A generation ago, road bikes were called 10-speeds. This is the first bike in the Natural Progression that features changeable gearing. With 2 rings in the front and 5 in the back, the athlete had more choices to match the effort with the hill profile and desired cadence. Since then, some people add another ring in front which has been commonly referred to as the "Granny Gear" due to the ease as which the gearing can be pushed. Further, bicycle engineers played with the rear cogs adding more options and rendering the title 'Ten-Speed' useless.

The road bike features a not-so-steep saddle orientation. The frame materials have the greatest diversity thus far in the progression with steel, aluminum, carbon, and titanium all as viable options. Some road bikes will even include a combination of these materials, such as an aluminum bike with a carbon-fiber fork. The handlebars have morphed from a linear bar to bars that look like a ram's horns. (Rumor has it that the inventor of the road bike handlebar was a former rodeo clown.)

Once in a while, people will gather and ride their road bikes in groups. Group rides have all sorts of rules, most of which are unwritten yet still expected. If you choose to try a group ride, be very alert to the nuances of the individuals. They even have rules on clothing. They do not like sleeveless shirts or riding without socks. Sometimes, there will be road bike competitions that do not feature a swim nor a run. Often, group rides and races will encourage cyclists to get as close to the guy/ gal in front of you to cheat in their wind draft. Weird.

Stage 6 Road Bike with Clip-on Aerobars

This stage of the Natural Progression is important, but short. Where as the athlete will spend several years in the other stages, this stage is typically 2 years or less before graduating to the next stage. The athlete will notice that a steeper position in the saddle coupled with lying down on the handlebars is a more efficient position. This position can be semi-achieved by clip-ons. They don't actually 'clip' as the are clamped and bolted to the bike. In doing so, the athlete should rearrange the seat position to a more forward, steeper position. A steeper seat post position transfers the work from the athlete's hamstrings to the quadriceps. The new position is normally met with a slight drop in overall power. But, the body position on the bike results in improved aerodynamics. The result is a faster bike ride using less energy. Plus, by changing the muscle dynamics, the legs are more ready for a post-bike run.

Keep in mind that the addition of clip-ons automatically negates your welcome to ride in a group. People riding road bikes in groups have an instinctual prejudice against adding stuff to your road bike. Do not, under any circumstances, blame those people for their anti-areobar attitudes. They can't change their attitude it in as much as they can't control which way the wind is blowing.

Stage 7- Grand Culmination Factor in Triathlon- 

The Triathlon Specific Bike (Tri-Bike)

If left to their own means, a triathlete will arrive at the tri-bike. The tri bike is an evolutionary step up the ladder from the road bike (a scientifically proven fact that the roadies will do their best to hide). The tri bike features a naturally steep seat angle. The rear wheel, to compensate for the seat tube being moved forward, is also moved forward. This new rear wheel position makes the bike more aero thus faster. The consequence is that the bike is marginally less stable and the athlete would do well to remember their bike handling skills they learned in Stage 2 of the Progression. There are some rumors that say a tri bike is less efficient at climbing or cornering. These rumors were started by tri-bike haters and have not been substantiated. Even professional road bike riders will opt for a tri bike during a time trial stage.

Gone are the ram style handlebars, which are now replaced by bull horn style bars (not to be confused with the voice amplifier equipment of a similar name). These bars remove useless bends while keeping the same number of hand position options. Another advantage of the tri bike include integrated aerobars. These do not clip on, they are part of the bike. Like the road bike brethren, tri bikes can come in a variety of different building materials. Tri bikes place their gear levers at the ends of the aerobars and the brakes at the ends of the bull horns.

Tri bikes, and people who own tri bikes, are the envy of all the other bikes out on the road. They are sleeker, sexier, and faster. Most other bikes are really just hunks of metal with wheels. Tri bikes are beautiful works of art. And, just like anything featuring overt superiority, there are lots of negative emotions towards the tri bikes. Many people have different ways to show their jealousy, ranging from blatant disdain to passive aggressive indifference. Triathletes would be wise to ignore any negativity. Let it roll off you like the wind that rolls off the tri bike frame and put it behind you where it belongs. After all, you went through the progression. You understand what the others are going through. You have had the experiences and moved on to something better. If they choose to ridicule you, that says more about them than you anyway. Just be sure to smile, wave, head nod, greet, or what ever you choose to do as you fly by them on the ride.

Natural Progression of Triathlon- Swimming

It seems as I have been on this Natural Progression of Men/ Running/ Triathlon kick. Why should I stop? It seems that most aspects of this sport follow a series. We are all on a continuum of some sorts whether we think about it or not. Since triathlon is composed of swimming, biking, and running, and since the entire sport has a progression, it makes only natural sense that each component of the sport has it's own progression. Unfortunately, in the realm of blogging and triathlon, this post is based in a fictitious belief (as opposed to my other posts, which are completely based in reality).

From Another Planet
In triathlon, very few, almost zero, people start off as triathletes. They/ We all come to the sport from another single-discipline. Triathletes talk like this. "I have a swimming background." "I have a running strength." "I have a boring, stupid blog." "I'm a good hill climber."

One reason is that there are no organized triathlon leagues. There are triathlon teams but it's a little different in the tri-world. For example, Buffalo, NY has a triathlon team/ club called the BTC (any guess what those letters stand for?). Rochester, NY also has a triathlon team/ club called the RATS. I do not know of a race where the BTC challenged the RATS in a head-to-head competition. Once in a while, a local triathlon will have a team prize, but it's not the norm.

Triathlon is not something kids do in school. High schools do not compete against each other in SBR. There is no triathlon little league. The only way most kids gain exposure to the sport is through their parents. Then, they may go to an event and participate in the kid's race. But, once school starts, triathlon is forgotten for most. Therefore, people become triathletes from some other discipline. (Aside: This is almost true. I am familiar with at least one HS that has a triathlon club. They are lead by a teacher/ coach at their school and compete in the open age group competition at a local triathlon. End Aside)

If you look at most of the race results by age group, you'll find a bunch of kids age 11 and younger in the kid's race. Then, on the average, less than 10 total participants between the ages of 12-20. The numbers don't pick up until after 25. The bell curve is at its apex around age 40 before narrowing back down to oblivion after age 60. Schools have swim teams and running teams. I am, to this day, still perplexed how people get involved in non-high school type sports; like cycling, luge, synchronized swimming, and (weirdest of all) soccer.

Swimming
The fact is that most adults have had little to no formal training in the swimming discipline. Many have had some form of swim lessons but more so than not, they have not been extensively coached. This is most unfortunate as swimming is very technical. It takes a long time to master the proper technique to feel comfortable in the water. Even Olympic swimmers are constantly working on their form. Good swimming technique is something that few, if no one, can figure out on their own.

If I had it my way, all triathletes would come from a swimming background. This is a bit counter-intuitive as I have a swimming strength. This is the one stage of the sport where I am relatively confident in my skills and believe I have a benefit in the race over many others. Why would I want to take that away? The answer is, of course, safety (theirs, not mine).

My guess is that if you polled all of the active triathletes in America, which was at 135,000 people at the end of 2010, and asked them one simple question, "Which discipline concerns you the most?" You'd have an overwhelming percentage picking swimming. This is in light that very few have died in triathlon. Between the years 2006-2008, a grand total of 14 people passed away. Thirteen were on the swim leg of the race. Most (12) had heart problems. Triathlon and swimming remain a relatively safe sport, especially when you compare it to the number of people who die driving a car on a daily basis. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), an estimated 30,000 people die in a car annually. In further comparison, about 40 people worldwide get struck and die by lightening.

Recently, triathlon lost 2 of our own in the NYC Triathlon. Of course, their deaths happened during the swim. Below is a short video of that swim leg. From the shot, you can see several people in wetsuits swimming nicely, others are bobbing up and down with the current, and at the 13 second mark you can see a swimmer with a noodle-type flotation device (against the rules). Again, in the Banter's perfect world, all of those people in the video would be swimming. I can't imagine the stress welling inside someone that has to compete with a noodle. I liken it akin to having to do the bike leg with training wheels.  This is where the safety aspect comes in. The race is stressful enough. I want all racers to worry about their time and performance, not their comfort in the water.

In a recent Twitter conversation with a couple of other twits, they admitted to me how swimming was a challenge. The Banter-In-Law, who started his triathlon career a year ago, has come a long way in his swimming progress. It has not been without effort. Most of those experiences were in a pool. Pools have nice black lines on the bottom, they have lines on the side, they have walls, and in most reputable pools you can actually see your hand in front of the face.

Swimming In Triathlon
Open water swimming has other challenges that a pool will never offer. For example, the water is rarely smooth. Natural pulses of energy, known as waves, are common in a lake or ocean.
The water tends to be murky. There are creatures underneath the surface. Your mind can play tricks on you, especially in salt water when you are dressed up like a wounded seal. Once in a while, a triathlete will find a surprise on the bottom of the drink.

Once the race starts, the other triathletes can be obstacles as well. In a wave start, you typically are lined up with 20-150 of your closest friends. In Ironman Lake Placid, that number jumps to more than 2000. And, once the race starts, the ego takes over and you are no longer friends. You are competitors. Now, get out of the way. Just kidding. Most of the contact that happens in the water is incidental. It's nearly impossible to bunch that many people in the water, force them to wave their hands around in circles, and not have them touch each other.

The Imaginary Progression
So, back to my perfect triathlon world. Everyone would have exposure to a swim team as a kid. Not swim lessons, a swim team. The difference is in the practice time. Swim lessons tend to meet once a week for however many weeks the session schedule is held. The goal of lessons is comfort and survival. Swim team is 5-6 days. In most cases, not all mind you, the coaches of a swim team have a deeper knowledge of stroke technique. The goal of the team is competition. That's step one.

Step 2 in the progression is to practice open water swimming. This may be with a wetsuit. Wetsuit swimming is easier, faster, and warmer. In certain climes, such as NW New York, it's almost a requirement. Triathletes in other areas of the world don't need wetsuits.

Step 3 is to do the same open water swim without a wetsuit. It's so simple, even a teenager can do it. If you live anywhere around here, I'd suggest waiting to do it later in the season. Still, the body can adapt to some lower-than-you'd expect temperatures. My first open water swim was in water temperatures around 61º. I was chilly, yes, but I got over it quick enough. (Also, notice that I skipped in the progression. Then again, I was already comfortable swimming in open water.)

Step 4 is to be able to swim in open water under these conditions.

The point is that if you are uncomfortable in the water, uncertain about completing the distance, or unsure of your success in the swim portion of the race, it may be better for you to sit this one out. There are alternatives, such as a duathlon which features no swimming but is still challenging and rewarding. I know, it's not a triathlon. But, I don't want to do a post-humus blog write-up about you any time in the near future. Join a team, get comfortable, and meet me at the start. Just for the record, you're going down. (Sorry, bad choice of words.)

Natural Progression of Triathlon- Race Selection

If you are familiar with my Theory on the Natural Progression of Men, you'd know I am a complete idiot. That, and many things in life follow a clear, sequential pattern. This Theory is not just inherent in men. I'm sure that there is a Natural Progression of Women, only I am not smart enough to detect it.

The Natural Progression also applies to sport, where it is most obvious. Almost every organized sport in existence has a built in progression system. Baseball starts with little league, then high school ball, followed by college ball. From college, you can do semi-pro or get drafted to the minors. Eventually, you'd make it to the Show. Thus, the Natural Progression. All kids playing baseball dream of making it to the big leagues and will work towards that goal. Some will give up along the way due to various forms of interference. Interference can take the form of Parental Interference, Spousal Interference (which includes the Children Interference), or the Lazy Complex (which simply means you gave up because you didn't want to put forth the amount of work the experts say is necessary to achieve the goal).

Disclaimer: I need to make it clear that each stage along the way has it's own distinct characteristics. I also want to make it clear that each stage is completely awesome with it's own hardships and challenges. At no time is any one stage better than another. Should an athlete end his or her progression at any stage before arriving to the next stage, for whatever reason, this does not diminish the athlete in any fashion. Further, regression in the progression has been known to happen as well as hop-scotching back and forth between the stages. This should not be construed as a negative.

Running Progression
Babies start walking around the age of 1. About 6 hours after they take their first steps, they are runners. They continue to dart around this way and that until they discover television and video games. Soon, the joy of running and mobility morphs into the "No" period of their life, commonly occurring around the age of 2. In the caveman days, the word 'no' was spoken by children in defiance of the parents forcing the kids to go run, usually after some sort of recently downed dinner item. No longer the case. Currently, running in youth is relegated to something kids do while being chased by cops or PE teachers in swishy pants and whistles. A very small sector of the population will continue to cherish running. We called those people cross country runners, who were neither cool nor popular. One of the main reasons cross country running was invented (should you know your cross country history) was as a means for like-minded individuals to practice escaping from bullies, many of which were on sub-par sports like football. (Nope, I do not, as a former CC runner, harbor any misgivings against football players.)

As children gradually become adults, the running gradually became something people did because their doctors told them to start leading a healthier life or be dead in the next 5 years. This shocked most people because they've been made believe that there was safety behind the desk and in front of the TV. No one warned them that a sedentary life-style coupled with a fast-food type diet was bad for them. They admit to not having paid full attention in middle school health class, but that's besides the point. Running was now work. (Aside: Many of the best runners I ever met as an adult fell into the get-in-shape-or-soon-die category. They were/ are amazing athletes and I have a thing or two to learn from them. End Aside.)

Faced with middle-aged mortality, adults will sign up for a 5k (3.1 mile) race to serve as a fundraiser for research on Childhood Obesity. This is the shortest race generally being offered to most individuals in any given area. Funny that, when we were on organized sports teams in high school, 3.1 miles was the longest race offered. Gone are the days of 100 meter dashes and timed mile runs. Your area likely has the equivalent of one 5k per weekend in a given radius. Even the former football players can be seen at these events.

The Natural Progression of Running Races starts here, at the 5k level. Soon, you'll be signing up for a 10k. Eventually, you'll see an advertisement for a 13.1 half-marathon. From there, it's easy to understand the appeal of the 26.2 full marathon, with talks of qualifying for Boston.

This is where the progression stops. Yes, there are alternative, intermediate distances in which you may participate. There are also distances greater than a marathon. But, according to the Theory, the Natural Progression ends at a culminating factor in which you are driven to achieve through no fault of your own. The marathon is the Natural Progression Culmination Factor. The Ultra-Marathon Runs do exist, but they are outside the Progression.

Natural Progression of Triathlon
It should come as no surprise that triathlon and running have very similar progressions. If you understand the most common triathlon distances, then you'd readily notice the parallels. Each sport has 4 main stages (with some odd intermediate stages tossed in once in a while). Stage 1 in running is the 5k. Stage 1 in triathlon is the Sprint, which ends in a 5k run. Stage 2 in running is the 10k. Stage 2 in triathlon is an Olympic ends in a 10k run. Stage 3 triathlon is the Half-Ironman, which concludes with a 13.1 mile run. The Culmination Factor of Triathlon is the Ironman, which ends with a marathon. The Great Granddaddy Culmination Factor in Triathlon (patent pending) is the Kona, Hawaii Ironman World Championships.

In an effort to get people into the Progression line, there has been a wave of Pre-Progression Triathlon Distances. These triathlons are recent inceptions and may meld themselves into the Natural Progression over time. They are oft penned "Try-a-Tri" and will offer shorter distances. Others are called Super-Sprints, which also have shorter distances but are designed to actually sprint in the traditional sense of the word (as opposed to the messed up triathlon version). These races are a blast.

A short history lesson in triathlon should help explain (somewhat) on how the main distances evolved. A group of military types were drinking in Hawaii and bragging about toughness. In a moment of drunken idiocy (as most miraculous events get started), they started to joke, then brag, about stringing Hawaii's 3 longest endurance events into one big contest. They were a 2.4 mile open water swim, a (2-day) 112 mile bike ride, and the Hawaii' Marathon. Note: There's a few more details to this story, this is just the basics. The Drunks set it up and the Ironman was born.

Now, if you take those original distances and cut them in half, you get the 1/2 Ironman. Get it. Clever how they combined a booze bet with math. Cut the 1/2 in half, and you get... (please be patient while I try to divide fractions. Not only did I sleep through middle school heath, but also MS Math) ... the Olympic Distance Triathlon. Get it. Half divided by a half equals Olympic. Ask your kids to write that on their homework and see if their MS math teacher accepts it, even though it is technically correct. We are one more fractional division problem away from the Sprint distance.

My Progression
Start from the bottom up and you get the Natural Progression of Triathlon Race Distances. This was my almost exact experience and one that I'd recommend to triathletes making their way through the sport.

My first triathlon was a Sprint Distance. Then another. Then another. I did many Sprints until I came across the Wormhole Proximity Interference. Several people may experience this sort of interference and it may happen to you. Here's how it goes:

I had already gone through the natural progression of running from 5k up to the marathon. But I had skipped the 10k as there were none offered in any of the areas in which I lived. This is the Wormhole Proximity Interference. Since there were no races close to my home at that stage of the progression, I skipped it. If there were any 10k races, I'd have been on target. To this date, I have never done an open 10k running race. The WPI allows for this.

Back to triathlon: I was right at the beginning of my progression and completely oblivious to the other stages of the sport. And I use 'oblivious' in the literal sense because, even though there were Olympic distance events being run at the exact same time, I had no idea what they were about nor did I have any desire to do them. I was happy at the Sprint distance and saw no reason to change my race to what those morons in the Oly were doing. I later learned about the concluding 10k run in the Oly distance, but, since I skipped that stage in the running progression, I was comfortable skipping it triathlon.

Because, a brilliant race director set up a 1/2 Ironman distance in my area. It was the only one of its distance. I was in awe. Almost at the same time, I had learned about the Ironman. And about Kona, and how you had to qualify for Hawaii. I had the vision all mapped out in a nice, succinct 3 year plan. I would do the 1/2 in my area. The following year I would do an Ironman just to learn what it was about. The next year, because I am such an awesome athlete, I would subsequently qualify for Hawaii (I told you at the beginning of this post that I am an idiot).

Six years later and I still haven't made it to the Show. So much for the 3 year plan. I still feel the drive and the awe. I will Progress. I will not let the Lazy Complex dominate my existence in this sport. One day, Great Granddaddy Culmination Factor (patent pending), you will be mine.

Natural Progression of Men

I believe in the Natural Progression of Nature. Living beings follow a path with distinct starting and ending points. There is at least one, but often many, intermediate steps along the way. The Progression is akin to the life cycle processes that elementary school science classes feel are so important, each state writes them into the required standards of teaching. They drill our innocent with the progression: the egg--> the tadpole--> the frog --> the egg . There is generally never a mention of where the eggs come from. The word 'fertilizes' is given without a discussion of what it means to 'fertilize' or even what kind of 'fertilizer' is being used. (Aside: I used to think as a kid that I could dump plant fertilizer on frogs and get tadpoles. Several innocent attempts with this experiment failed. Now, as a science teacher, I know that I'm not the only one with those thoughts. I really hate elementary school science standards sometimes. End Aside.)

Since I have the most experience in being male (please don't confuse me with Tiresias, I'm not blind), I have discovered, what I call, The Theory of the Natural Progressions in Men. The Natural Progressions are meant to be done in order with the final step being the culmination, end all, of the steps. It's sort of like the unwritten goal of man to achieve this stage of development. Not all men will make it. But, that's the direction men are heading, whether they like it or not. It's genetic, instinctual, and as inevitable as growing old.

Most men will experience the Natural Progression as a sequence. Some, through genetic anomalies or outside interference (either parental or spousal) will be hindered in their journey. Some men have been know to skip steps along the way, achieving the Goal without hitting the necessary intermediate steps. But, if left to their own devices, men will hit each stage for at least a short period in their life before succumbing to the next. If given enough time on this Earth, all men will go through these stages.

Note: I am searching for some ideas on the Natural Progressions of Women, if for nothing else, to increase my knowledge of girls. My current knowledge is somewhere between 0 and 5 on a scale of 100. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Example 1- Camping
According to the Theory of Natural Progressions of Men, camping starts off with a couple of sheets tucked into some chairs or the sofa in your living room/ basement. From there, camping progresses towards tenting, with sleeping on the ground. Next up, tenting with some sort of mattress (air, cot, foam, etc). Then, there's the pop-up camper followed by the pull-behind. Finally, the Ultimate Achievement is the all-inclusive Recreational Vehicle. Some men will even sell their houses for the RV option. They will install air conditioning, microwave, hot tub, and even satellite TV, all the while still calling it 'camping.' The Natural Progression of Men.

Drooling

I am currently sitting happily in the tent with a mattress stage of progression. I feel the calling and yearning for the pop-up, but this stage may be skipped due to spousal interference (namely, her allergic reaction to damp, musty canvas). I have started looking and pricing RV's (and I now understand why people who own these things end up selling their homes).

Example 2- Woodworking
You probably didn't know this, but all men hate trees. We don't really know it either, but the evidence is quite obvious. From the time we are born, we wage war on wood. (Odd how we hate one form of wood but cherish another. Maybe it's a jealousy thing.) The Woodworking Progression starts off simple enough. At some point in your life, a lad will pick up a knife. Then, for some reason, the lad will want to take that knife and slice a piece of wood. He will repeat this process, popularized by Jed Clampett,  sometimes known as whittling. The most common outcome- a sharpened stick and some wood clippings. The sharpened stick has many uses. It can be used as an arrow ready to launch from another stick tied down with kite string. It can be used to roast marshmallows whilst the boy is camping (from his tent). It can be used to keep away those stupid cowboys. Mostly, it's used to simple to poke things.

B= Banter

As the boy grows, he discovers that his knife can do other things to wood. For example, wood-based graffiti. It can carve into a tree the initials of some girl that has caught his fancy. That act alone guarantees that the female will instantly find the boy more attractive and be willing to dote on him the attention he so covets. I'm pretty sure the ladies do find this attractive. Why else would boys keep doing it? (See Note above.) Find a picnic table. You can see the signs of the Natural Progression of Woodworking covering most of its surfaces.

As he grows, the boy begets manhood. The knife morphs into all sorts of saws and planes. Carving is replaced by the need to put up shelves, build decks, and fix cabinets. Underneath, it's still simple destruction of wood. We cut it. Pound it. Ram stakes and nails into it. The culminating stage is the full blown wood shop, complete with table saws, routers, lathes, and a subscription to Popular Woodworking Magazine. There are entire stores that sell pre-cut timber simply for the reason of helping men satisfy our wanton abuse of hard cellulose tissue. I cannot explain why men feel the need to declare vengeance on arboreal-based life forms. It's just part of the Natural Progression.


More Examples
If you pay enough attention to men, you'll see many Progressions. They range from Pet Ownership Progression, which starts with a fish and ends with a dog (cats are not part of the progression and only existent due to spousal interference). Also on the list is Hair Care Progression, which early on includes shampoo, conditioner, brushes, gels, and hair dryers. Later on, it calls for any type of hairstyle that requires less than 30 seconds of maintenance per day.

The Automobile Progression is a process that has perplexed scientists for years. Current research indicates that there are 2 distinct progression lines. They both start tricycle and evolve into bicycles.  Sporty, muscle cars show up in teenage years (which may be interfered with by parents). Line 1 ends in fuel-efficient sedans. Line 2 ends in over-sized SUVs. Scientists are still arguing over Line 1 due to the Station Wagon/ Mini-Van Complex, which in known to arise from children interference, a sub-set of spousal interference. Regardless of which line dominants your Progression, both lines have a motorcycle at some point in the progression. The Motorcycle Intermediate is the most interfered stage of any of the manly progressions, cut off by parents and spouses alike.

And, coming soon to a Blog Post near you, the Natural Progression of Triathlon.