A week ago Saturday, I had a great training day. On Sunday morning, I woke up to lethargy and the beginnings of a sore throat. I forced myself to go for a run. Oddly, it went well (I'm not much of a runner). I did some speed work and my legs felt great. By the time I returned from my cool down, my head was swimming. I had planned for a bike ride on the trainer. It never happened.
By Monday, the flood gates known as my schnoz had opened up full force. I was in disbelief that a human could manufacture so much mucus. For those of you who own stock in Proctor & Gamble, the company that makes Puff's brand facial tissue- you're welcome. I couldn't sleep through all of the snot and managed roughly 15 minutes of shut eye.
Tuesday morning I felt better. Therefore, I went to work. By 10:00, I was sliding downhill. By 2:00, my head was swimming in the goo (figuratively and literally). The body was getting achy. The headache had started. I took my temp after I got home: 101.0º. Advil and a decongestant and still no sleep.
Thursday I dragged myself to work knowing that I had a light schedule and could avoid the masses. In hindsight, this was a mistake. I stayed awake again that night regretting the decision.
On Friday, the headache had intensified. Mostly, I think, because I was still laughing at some of the movies I watched on Wednesday. I.E. I was becoming delusional.
By Saturday, I was coming out of my dementia. I had still not really slept, receiving roughly 4 broken hours the night before. How did I know I was getting better? I started to watch "Hot Tub Time Machine" and turned it off. Still, I did not move more than 15 feet from my sofa the entire day.
On Sunday, it was in the 50ºs outside and I forced myself to go for a bike ride. Had I known that time on the open road was my key to a cure, I would have done it sooner.
Bachelor #1- Small Pox
Along with the pustules, one can expect a fever, muscle pain, headache, and respiratory problems. This bad boy may have been responsible for every know plague in the history of mankind, wiped out the Mayans, and given rise to what is commonly referred to as CrossFit.
Other common poxes include cowpox and monkeypox. (I only state that as I really like saying monkeypox. Otherwise, that factoid contributes absolutely nothing to this post.)
It is also noted that infected individuals are not interested in triathlon related activities.
Bachelor #2- Influenza
Shortly after this guy gets into the system, one can expect fever, headache, restlessness, sore throat, congestion, and an overwhelming desire to watch bad movies.
Apparently, there are several incarnations of this virus, including swine, bird, horse, and dog. As of this posting, monkeys are safe.
Bachelor #3- Ebola
As time progresses, the nervous system joins the game by giving you agitation, confusion, fatigue, and possibly coma. Again, this is not much different that the average Ironman competition or training weekend.
This virus was pretty much the main character in "The Hot Zone", which also featured monkeys.
And the Winner is...
I was going with smallpox for a while. As it turned out, my pustules were actually a couple of zits that had formed on my nose (due to all of that rubbing and blowing) and forehead (cause uncertain at this time so not completely ruling out this virus). Further, the last know natural smallpox incident happened in 1977.
I had considered ebola for a while. However, I never got any digestive problems. In fact, quite the opposite. My hunger never subsided. I laid/ moped around for 6 days on no exercise and a full appetite. You'd think that watching the movies alone was enough to make me vomit. Nope. The gastric juices flowed and stayed firmly in their designated areas while I engluttoned myself shamelessly.
Influenza was the only one that fit the bill. I had pretty much everything on the list. Plus, it's the only virus to stay simian free. I can't imagine harboring a pathogen that would knowingly infect and harm any of those poor, cute, defenseless monkeys.