Random Thoughts on Boston

As most of you are aware, some bad things happened this week in Boston (which is putting it lightly). I'll refrain from most of the details as there has been so much misinformation been circulating. Internet news media has been attempting to challenge Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity by trying to report happenings at or near light speed, which inevitably leads to errors.

Here are the majorly important facts:
-A couple of bombs went off very close to the finish line of the Boston Marathon
-3 people died and a 100+ were injured (as of this post) as a direct result of the bombs

Even as I write this, there are reports that one of the 2 suspected bombers has been shot dead and another has been captured. I remain optimistic that the authorities have the right guys because I am hoping for closure on the situation.

I, like many others, am still trying to make sense of the situation. I remain skeptical that I will ever be able to understand the motivations or thought processes of people who attempt or commit such acts. There are just so many things wrong in the scenario.

First off, they attacked endurance athletes. Here is a group of people that actually paid money for the right to torture themselves over the course of 26.2 miles. These people voluntarily suffer for the pure joy of suffering. They are, however, of no danger to anyone else. They provide pain and discomfort only to themselves and no one else. There is nothing to gain by attacking these people.

Secondly, the only people stronger than the athletes are the family members of the athletes. I recognize the fortitude and sacrifice that the Wife deals with on a daily basis from the semi-obsessiveness that is the Banter. The Boston Marathoners are the cream of the crop of the endurance world. The families that put up with runners of that dedication are something special.

Third, they picked Boston of all places. This is a city that lead the rebellion against the evil British. This city has a boat sitting in the harbor called "Old Ironsides" just waiting for someone to piss them off. This is a city whose baseball team decided that Babe Ruth wasn't good enough to play on their squad. They're kinda badasses.

There is no training that can ready you for this situation but I think the city of Boston rose to the occasion. As I watched the race day horror unfold, I admit that I couldn't be more proud to be an American. I am impressed with the emergency response teams who put themselves in harms way to protect and serve others. I saw how quickly the people of Boston opened their hearts and homes to displaced athletes and families as they tried to make heads or tails of the situation. The outpouring of support was overwhelming even from a distance.

Almost immediately, the endurance world responded. Charities to provide for the victims have been established. On Wednesday, large hosts of people went running to honor the sacrifice and the fallen. Whereas I didn't join a group. I went for a run. I'd be lying if I told you that the Boston bombing wasn't on my mind.

On Thursday, I went for a run. I'd be lying if I told you that the Boston bombing wasn't on my mind.

On Friday (today), I went for a run. I'd be lying if I told you that the Boston bombing wasn't on my mind. This time, I even decided to run a route that sort of looked like a "B". Here's the map of my 6.5 mile run, trying to add another layer of symbolism as it was roughly 1/4th of a marathon...

A few people this week have asked me if the event has affected my desire to compete in such events. I can say with full certainty that it has. It has made my desire to compete in these events greater. I have a couple of races scheduled for next weekend. The RD's have announced that the race will go on. Which is exactly the way it should be. Even if they canceled the event, I'd go for the run anyway. I, like many other endurance athletes and Americans alike, refuse to be intimidated by such acts of cowardice.

To those who put themselves in harm's way- Thank you!
To those who suffered due to the bombings- You are in my thoughts always!
To those who will still show up on race day- Right on Brothers and Sisters!

I'll see you out there.

WW- May the 4th

I seriously had no idea. And I feel ashamed about it. Star Wars was on a TV in my life once a week for several years in a row. The original trilogy is on my go-to list as "Netflix has nothing I want to view right now". So, when my mommy sent me a "Happy Star Wars Day" text, I was dumbfounded. I wouldn't call her a fan. If she a fan, she's certainly not a geek. How did she know this and I did not?

Well, that point is rather moot. I am grateful for being given a small tidbit of knowledge that I will take with me to me grave. May the 4th is now implanted into the useless bits of crap my brain will never forget.

So, in honor of Star Wars Day 5-Days-Late, I am trying to regain some of my geek points back. Therefore, I bring you a couple of illustrations that only a Star Wars fan would appreciate. I did. A bloke named Jeffrey Brown wrote a book called "Darth Vader and Son".

What would life had been like if Darth raised young Luke, as opposed to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru? It might have looked a little like this...

Natural Progression of Men

I believe in the Natural Progression of Nature. Living beings follow a path with distinct starting and ending points. There is at least one, but often many, intermediate steps along the way. The Progression is akin to the life cycle processes that elementary school science classes feel are so important, each state writes them into the required standards of teaching. They drill our innocent with the progression: the egg--> the tadpole--> the frog --> the egg . There is generally never a mention of where the eggs come from. The word 'fertilizes' is given without a discussion of what it means to 'fertilize' or even what kind of 'fertilizer' is being used. (Aside: I used to think as a kid that I could dump plant fertilizer on frogs and get tadpoles. Several innocent attempts with this experiment failed. Now, as a science teacher, I know that I'm not the only one with those thoughts. I really hate elementary school science standards sometimes. End Aside.)

Since I have the most experience in being male (please don't confuse me with Tiresias, I'm not blind), I have discovered, what I call, The Theory of the Natural Progressions in Men. The Natural Progressions are meant to be done in order with the final step being the culmination, end all, of the steps. It's sort of like the unwritten goal of man to achieve this stage of development. Not all men will make it. But, that's the direction men are heading, whether they like it or not. It's genetic, instinctual, and as inevitable as growing old.

Most men will experience the Natural Progression as a sequence. Some, through genetic anomalies or outside interference (either parental or spousal) will be hindered in their journey. Some men have been know to skip steps along the way, achieving the Goal without hitting the necessary intermediate steps. But, if left to their own devices, men will hit each stage for at least a short period in their life before succumbing to the next. If given enough time on this Earth, all men will go through these stages.

Note: I am searching for some ideas on the Natural Progressions of Women, if for nothing else, to increase my knowledge of girls. My current knowledge is somewhere between 0 and 5 on a scale of 100. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Example 1- Camping
According to the Theory of Natural Progressions of Men, camping starts off with a couple of sheets tucked into some chairs or the sofa in your living room/ basement. From there, camping progresses towards tenting, with sleeping on the ground. Next up, tenting with some sort of mattress (air, cot, foam, etc). Then, there's the pop-up camper followed by the pull-behind. Finally, the Ultimate Achievement is the all-inclusive Recreational Vehicle. Some men will even sell their houses for the RV option. They will install air conditioning, microwave, hot tub, and even satellite TV, all the while still calling it 'camping.' The Natural Progression of Men.

Drooling

I am currently sitting happily in the tent with a mattress stage of progression. I feel the calling and yearning for the pop-up, but this stage may be skipped due to spousal interference (namely, her allergic reaction to damp, musty canvas). I have started looking and pricing RV's (and I now understand why people who own these things end up selling their homes).

Example 2- Woodworking
You probably didn't know this, but all men hate trees. We don't really know it either, but the evidence is quite obvious. From the time we are born, we wage war on wood. (Odd how we hate one form of wood but cherish another. Maybe it's a jealousy thing.) The Woodworking Progression starts off simple enough. At some point in your life, a lad will pick up a knife. Then, for some reason, the lad will want to take that knife and slice a piece of wood. He will repeat this process, popularized by Jed Clampett,  sometimes known as whittling. The most common outcome- a sharpened stick and some wood clippings. The sharpened stick has many uses. It can be used as an arrow ready to launch from another stick tied down with kite string. It can be used to roast marshmallows whilst the boy is camping (from his tent). It can be used to keep away those stupid cowboys. Mostly, it's used to simple to poke things.

B= Banter

As the boy grows, he discovers that his knife can do other things to wood. For example, wood-based graffiti. It can carve into a tree the initials of some girl that has caught his fancy. That act alone guarantees that the female will instantly find the boy more attractive and be willing to dote on him the attention he so covets. I'm pretty sure the ladies do find this attractive. Why else would boys keep doing it? (See Note above.) Find a picnic table. You can see the signs of the Natural Progression of Woodworking covering most of its surfaces.

As he grows, the boy begets manhood. The knife morphs into all sorts of saws and planes. Carving is replaced by the need to put up shelves, build decks, and fix cabinets. Underneath, it's still simple destruction of wood. We cut it. Pound it. Ram stakes and nails into it. The culminating stage is the full blown wood shop, complete with table saws, routers, lathes, and a subscription to Popular Woodworking Magazine. There are entire stores that sell pre-cut timber simply for the reason of helping men satisfy our wanton abuse of hard cellulose tissue. I cannot explain why men feel the need to declare vengeance on arboreal-based life forms. It's just part of the Natural Progression.


More Examples
If you pay enough attention to men, you'll see many Progressions. They range from Pet Ownership Progression, which starts with a fish and ends with a dog (cats are not part of the progression and only existent due to spousal interference). Also on the list is Hair Care Progression, which early on includes shampoo, conditioner, brushes, gels, and hair dryers. Later on, it calls for any type of hairstyle that requires less than 30 seconds of maintenance per day.

The Automobile Progression is a process that has perplexed scientists for years. Current research indicates that there are 2 distinct progression lines. They both start tricycle and evolve into bicycles.  Sporty, muscle cars show up in teenage years (which may be interfered with by parents). Line 1 ends in fuel-efficient sedans. Line 2 ends in over-sized SUVs. Scientists are still arguing over Line 1 due to the Station Wagon/ Mini-Van Complex, which in known to arise from children interference, a sub-set of spousal interference. Regardless of which line dominants your Progression, both lines have a motorcycle at some point in the progression. The Motorcycle Intermediate is the most interfered stage of any of the manly progressions, cut off by parents and spouses alike.

And, coming soon to a Blog Post near you, the Natural Progression of Triathlon.

Random Happenings of the Week

Today, I feel like one of those throwback episodes on TV. You know where the writers can't really think of anything original, so they decide just to show you snippets of stuff that had happened in prior episodes. Except in this case, you haven't had a chance to watch this episode of Banter. You may have to go back and read some of my old posts to fully understand. In this episode, there's broken things, nudity, Lent, and contest entry. Here's the highlights of my week...

The YMCA Revisited

• I'm pretty sure that the seal on the 2011 swim season has indeed been broken. I swam a couple of times this week. My stroke has gone from 1-winged Canadian goose trying to go aflight to 2-winged Canadian goose actually taking aflight. Not pretty, but getting better.
• The Blind Role Model was not in the pool, much to my chagrin. I was hoping to impress her with my improved technique.
• The deck clock is broken. I have taken very few of my former swimmer habits with me to the swimming grave known as triathlon, but my uber-dependence on the deck clock has not faded. I will never start any set until the hand is on the top (that's when the little hand touches the 60 in swimmer speak). The deck clock is stuck on the 27. I waited for 2 minutes before realizing it wasn't moving. I must know how fast that 100 yards went, even if it was horrible. I was absolutely lost in the water without it. I may have to buy the Y a new one if I plan on returning to the pool.
• While drying off post-shower, a woman on her cell phone walked into the men's locker room and saw me. I was, um, well you know, err, not wearing much. And by not much, I mean nothing. The audacity of that woman. Doesn't she know that cell phones are not legal in locker rooms in the state of NY.

40 Days of Working Out

• I have more than achieved my daily workout quota as a Lenter. My lightest day was been 60 minutes of the required 30. Not bad.
• Recovery day tomorrow is gonna be tough. I would normally take a full day off after a long weekend (over 6 hours of training in the past 2 days). No plan as how to handle the big desire to do nothing and not disappoint myself in the 40 DOWO.
• I started a 40 DOWO challenge on Slowtwitch.com. As it turns out,  I'm not the only nutbag out there. There's at least 9 others (all guys). At first glance, I might actually be the weakest nutbag in the group. The male-ego gene does not like that.
• I believe that the 40 DOWO has helped me lose some of the Oklahoma weight (finally).
• I biked 6 days this week, more than normal. But, since triathlon favors the bike, I can't complain.
• Given this heavy bike week, I'm not looking forward to next week's heavy run week.

Random

• I entered a writing contest on another guy's blog. I hope I win. Even if I don't, I probably post my entry anyway. There's more than one way to beat the competition.
• I've Tweeted more than 20 times.
• Now that I'm a Twit, there's so many things on Twitter I don't understand. How can people sift through the thousands of chatter by the people that there are following? (If this applies to you, who are also a Twit: 1. please start following me at @TriBanter (one more can't hurt, right?), 2. maybe you can give me a tutorial). What are 'lists'? What's a 'retweet'? How can an 8-year old get this while I can't?
• Since I live in a split level house, I have 5 stairs leading from my bedroom to my kitchen. This is unacceptable. I decide when I do strength work, not my house. Therefore, I want a new house. Single floor living. If you know of any decent ones in my area, please let me know.