Experiencing Technological Difficulties

I have a confession to make- I am not a real human I don't actually own a computer. I'm one of the lucky ones whose job provides him with a nice Macbook, free of charge, simply by being awesome. Included with this computer is free maintenance, updates, virus protection, and high speed internet. That's right, I'm one of the lucky ones.

However, since I don't own the computer, I have no say as to when I get to keep it or as to when they get to take it away. If you haven't guessed, they took away my connection to the world. I sat around daily like Paul Simon wanting to keep his camera. (Didn't work out that well for him either, given the state of Kodak.) My 3-year lease on life had to be sent back and I had to hold my breath until my replacement machine became available. Luckily, I'm a former swimmer who had a coach that believed in hypoxicity. The lung capacity was ready for such a long haul.

The problem was that I wasn't keep up with my blogging duties. I tried really hard to find an existing replacement technology in my home that could keep up with the demands of the internet. I tried to log-on to blogger and use my phone. It was incredibly painful, with thumb typing (I currently use the 3-fingered hunt and peck version). But, I have an iPhone. This is what the king of phones is supposed to be used for, right. When it wasn't working the way I expected, I took it in to the Apple Store. The guys at the Genius Bar asked to see my phone.

At least I could still hear my music. We do have an old iPad (yup, we're an iHouse). For some reason, it wouldn't connect to the internet.

Turns out that it was just duct tape with an Apple logo taped to the front. (Please ignore the keyboard in the picture. That's to my still functioning Commodore 128 with the option to change to C-64 that I use for playing Pit Fall and Donkey Kong, original versions.)

When I went to graduate school, they gave us a 'free' (with paid tuition) Windows machine. Since the Wife refuses to allow such crappy machines into the house, I had to develop a disguise.

She wasn't fooled. Anyway, after all this time, I finally got my shiny, new portable computing device, complete with high speed wi-fi, and I'm ready to join the world again.

There's a lot of triathlon that's happened in between the last time I posted and now. I'll do my best to catch you up in a way that's appropriate and interesting (I struggle on both accounts).

Until then, here's a good video to keep you entertained that's been floating around the internet. It shows you the importance of not buying in to the hype being spewed by the shoe companies and their "pronation controlling technologies". The barefoot running/ natural running craze is here and it looks like it has staying power. These guys show you why.

Garmin Calendar is from Venus, Banter from Mars

The Calm Before the Storm
It starts the way it always does. In our case, it's a simple disagreement. Nothing really. She mentioned that the colors are all wrong. I, personally, was quite pleased with the way things were. It worked for us in the past, I couldn't see why it would continue to work for us in the present and future.

It's never really just one thing, is it?

Soon, she started to think that life was going stale. It was too repetitive. Too predictable. I, on the other hand, enjoyed the predictability. I liked knowing what to expect. There was comfort in familiar.

There were subtle hints that our paths were diverging. She would send requests and updates. I would read them, decide they weren't for me, and ignore them. She remained happy and upbeat on the surface but apparently she was a volcano waiting to erupt.

Last month, she Mt. St. Helen'ed. Like the tragedy back in 1980, she flipped her lid. I suppose I should have seen the warning signs and felt the tremors. I remained oblivious until the change was fully implemented. She blew her top off, and not in the good way.

Here's how she looked before the change:

I liked this version. Colors made sense. Information was clear. Still, she felt she needed a change. She wanted to 'improve' herself. Here's what she came up with:

Needless to say, I was most displeased with this change of events. I wrote her a scathing letter to express my feelings towards the new her.

Couples Counseling
We argued and fought. I was clear we were going nowhere. Since we both had a long history together, we agreed to seek professional help. Dr. "What's His Name" (Aside: Honestly, I cannot remember names efficiently. As a teacher, this is a real problem. If anyone has any solutions, please help a blogger in need of assistance. End Aside.)

She had changed and I was ready to break up.

According to the good Doc, we both had some interesting ideas. I wanted the colors back. She wanted more menus. I hated the left hand side menu. She liked it but loved the right hand side menu. I was mostly indifferent to the right hand side menu.

It took 12 sessions at $450 per hour (I may need to re-think my career). In the end, we came to a compromise.

• Returned are the colors.
• Kept is the right side menu, which I've grown to appreciate
• Kept is the left side menu, now with color coding capabilities (by my insistence)
• Expanded is the viewable information 
• I may have to scroll to see the bottom of the month
• I am comfortable with this

I'm a big fan of this new and improved product. The take home message for those of you in relationship trouble. Always follow the 3 C's of Relationships...

Communication- Make sure your significant other knows what's going on inside of that pea-brained noggin of yours. And by 'yours', I mean mine. And by 'pea-brained' I'm being generous.

Compromise- Be willing to make concessions. Know what you can live with and what you can cope with. At least, know what you don't care about (no use fighting over that).

And, when all else fails,

Cash- Like most problems, through some money at it. If all else fails, at least you'll be broke.

In our case, it was in the form of paying some bloke enough money to help us realize what we already knew. Money well spent.

Dear Garmin Calendar,

I didn't realize things had gotten so bad between us. I thought we had a good relationship. I used you on a semi-daily basis. I used you to keep track of my workouts. I used you to keep track of my progress. In turn, you kept me organized. Kept me honest. Maybe that was the problem, I was using you and giving nothing in return.

Recently, I noticed a difference in your behavior. You changed. And not for the better. Sure, you told me that you were new and improved. You told me that you had my best interests in mind. You even wrote me a positive, upbeat letter...

If you haven’t used your Garmin Connect calendar for a while, it’s time to take a second look. We’ve completely revamped it and added a ton of features. The calendar is a great place to plan your workouts, or simply keep yourself on a schedule. You can now drag and drop workouts, activities and notes; see your weekly, monthly or yearly totals by activity type; color code your activities, training plans, goals and events; and so much more. If you’re a member of a group with a group calendar, you can show or hide that on your own calendar, too--that way you'll never miss a group run or ride again!

I didn't even notice you needed improvement (which may have been part of the problem). I went in to the new You with a touch of excitement. You even sent me a sexy picture of what you looked like all dressed and ready to impress.

I'm sorry Garmin Calendar, but I seem to be missing something. I don't normally use the calendar to plan my workouts, making the drag and drop function obsolete to me. I've always been able to see weekly, monthly, and yearly totals by activity type, so no real benefit there. My activities have always been color coded. I even wrote about your use of color coding in the past. I'm not even sure what a 'group' means in terms of triathlon training. I'm pretty sure such things are discouraged, maybe even prohibited in the rules, so it's not clear why you even bothered adding that accessory.

Still, after reading your letter and seeing your picture, I went into Garmin Connect with an open mind. You told me you were sexy. You told me you were better. Who was I to disagree? Here's what I saw...

Basically, the calendar viewing screen has shrunk to make way for the left side menu, which has virtually no function. Therefore, the available viewing information inside a specific date is less, forcing me to click on the date if I want to know anything other than the distance of the workout. The default color of light blue is strenuous to read. I did figure out how to change the default color from your limited palette. But, it changed each and every color since the beginning of time. Remember how you said I could "color code my activities"? Nope.

Garmin Calendar, I am not happy with the new you. You sent me a picture and description of a sleek, new you all dressed up in silky lingerie. Then, you showed up in frumpy sweatpants and a disgusting top.

In a nutshell, I miss you. The old you. The real you. I hope you get better soon and we can go back to enjoying the relationship as it was. Because, that was a great relationship and a good calendar. Or, at least, it was better than the one who showed up on my doorstep the other day.

I'm sure that things will get better. One day, you and I might look back on this message and laugh. You may get motivated and actually implement the changes you described. We'll be able to add make-up and a firming halter top.  Remember, those changes were your idea, not mine. Either that or I will start looking for a new relationship with a different calendar. And I really don't want to do that. Please let me know your thoughts and feelings on this. I look forward to your response.

Love you,

The Banter

The Problem with the iPhone

The Wife can to me all proud and giggly about this new iPhone app that she found. It was a workout app and, much to her credit, she's caught on that I enjoy working out. It's nice to know that she's paying attention after all these years. Anyway, the premise of the app based on her description and demonstration was that you activate the app, hold it out in front of you, and do your squat. The device magically records how many squats you have accomplished. If you ask it, it will also tell you how many more you have left in your set and keep the results in a log for you.

I checked it out and apparently there are a multitude of free apps that will do this, free of charge. These same developers made one for push-up, pull-up and sit-ups. I think they've cornered the market on the 'ups' exercises.

On one hand, I am excited about any strategy that gets people up and moving. Motivation, for some, is in short supply. If a new app is going to coax you off the couch and into workout mode, have at it. The more you do, the better you are, and the happier that we'll all be (at least in theory).

On the other hand, I'm appalled. I can't imagine needing any sort of device that's greatest power is counting. How hard is it? One is followed by two. It's the same numbering system that you were taught when you were 3 years old and repeated when you were 4. Hey, remember that new technology called a piece of paper and a pencil? These are great devices that will aid in the recording of workouts. Plus, you don't need a separate sheet of paper to log sit-ups and pull-ups. They can be recorded on the same device.

Today's uber-reliance on electronics is getting out of hand. People now-a-days are living the slogan "there's an app for that". Whatever happened to just working out? It really is that simple. Want to do some push-ups? Lie on the floor, face down with your hands under your shoulders. Push. Up. Return to the starting position. Repeat as often as you like. Too hard? That's ok. There are variations (see left). Notice that in none of the cartoon drawings is there an iPhone. Those imaginary depictions of people get it.

Aside: Don't try doing an image search for 'push-ups' while you're at work. Sure, you'll get lots of hits. Mostly of hot chicks in bras. Oh, apparently there's also some new hiney-enhancing panties and, according to one source, a push-up thong. Advice- absolutely do that search, but save it for when you get home. End Aside.

It really would be nice if people ditched their iPhones for life once in a while. Just because there's an app for something doesn't mean that you need to use it. On the surface, people think that these tiny bits of technology are making their lives better. I disagree. I feel that they are perpetuating the laziness that keeps us on the couch in the first place. Ditch the iPhone. Down with the apps. They are like crack feeding an addiction which will never be quenched.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go for a run. I just need to check my Garmin and make sure the battery's charged and strap on my heart rate monitor. I'll upload the data to my database and analyze the workout from several different angles. When finished, I have plans to research about power meters that I hope to buy for my bike in the near future. 

But, I absolutely refuse to bring my iPhone during my run. That would just be silly.

WW- Post Christmas Gifts

Yesterday was Christmas (just in case you didn't know). The Wife and I have the most amazing Christmas morning tradition... We sleep in. After we are well rested, we get up, appreciate our morning beverages, and exchange gifts wrapped in their original store plastic bags.

Here's what I was hoping for:

• Quarq Power Meter
• Book to understand said PM
• Race entry fees

Here's what I got:

• T-shirt
• T-shirt
• "Dinner"

The extended family did come through with some tri-related stuff (thanks BIL, MIL, and FIL!). Now, I know that there are several readers out there with a big heart and a desire to thank me and my semi-entertaining blog. Should you be in the mood, you can look at the short list above. Or you can choose from the options below, which feature some of Amazon's most expensive items.

If you remember, the Pain Cave for working out is a little bleak. This $25,000 TV is sure to brighten things up.

Now that I live in a new house, I'd like to start preparing for the future. As you know, the energy needs of our country is highly dependent on oil. Non-renewable oil. If I'm gonna own that fancy TV from above, I need a back-up plan to ensure it stays running.

As an endurance athlete, high attention to nutrition is a requirement. While the rest of the world is cutting carbs, I am starting to up my training and my energy. In a nutshell, I need pasta. I would very much like it if I didn't have to rely on Barilla for my angel hair. For only $380 g's and an output of 750 pounds of spaghetti an hour, this device would actually make money.

I currently am an iPhone owner (mostly as a consequence of the Wife). If I weren't, I might own a competitor's SmartPhone. Perhaps Samsung. And then, I'd need accessories. I'm pretty sure that, for just over $9 mil, I'll need only one.

And, just in case I need some extra memory, I can purchase these.

But, truth be told, I could really just go for the Power Meter or Race Entries. In the end, it's your money. I won't tell you what to get for me.

Anyone Else Survive?

Today is December 22, 2012... It is the day after the world has ended. As with any mass tragedy, there are always a few survivors. I am one of the lucky ones. I made it, as did the Wife and dogs.

During our last few hours on the planet, we decided that we were going out in style. What does that mean in the Banter world? We ordered pizza and watched reruns of Simpsons and The Big Bang Theory. Normal bed time is near 10:00 pm. We decided to hit the sack at 9:00 on the eve of our destruction. What's the point in staying up? If I'm going down, it would be best to be well rested.

The arrival of the End was not what I expected. The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse took on non-traditional shapes in the greater Rochester area. They presented themselves as Darkness (which may have been because my circadian clock is set for 5:00 am and it was the night of the Winter Solstice), Coldness (which may have been due to the fact that it is late December), Windness (there was lots of wind), and Pansiness (because I'm a pansy). My world was blanketed in a bleaching white as snow attempted to cover the remains of what was once called Earth.

Since I'm sure that aid is not on the way, I took inventory of the necessary supplies. My Garmin had a full charge, meaning that I have about 20 more hours of workout data recording. The Clif Bar supply was holding steady at 12 bars. The energy gels count was strong, reporting in at 40 individual packets (with some unreported stragglers waiting to be found in various bags scattered throughout the house and the Cave). The powdered sports mix canisters were registering at full capacity. In the refrigerator stands a gallon of skim milk, some various condiments, and last night's left over pizza. I also have 4 full bottles and half a box of wine. It would seem that my nutrition needs will be met for quite some time.

I checked the electricity and heat. Both seemed to be flowing smoothly. My best guess is that the automation systems installed by the energy companies did not fail the bombardment. Same goes with the water supply. I am assuming that, since I am one of the few remaining survivors on the planet, the stress on the energy system will be greatly reduced. I should have plenty of heat, electricity, and water to survive the winter. I am also rejoicing at the fact that I no longer have to pay the utility bill (unless, of course, that has been automated too).

Later today, I am going to go for a run. The purpose of this excursion is 3 fold: First, I like running and the effect it has on my psyche. When times are bleak, it is important to hold on to a bit of normality. Running will be a coping mechanism that will be necessary in the days, weeks, and months to follow as I come to terms with being one of the only survivors left. I am not sure when i will encounter another non-Wife human being. Second, I am using the run as a scouting mission. I need to catalog the damage and see what, if anything, can be salvaged from my surrounding area. There will be work in the future. That work will require supplies. I need to know what is out there. Third, on the outside chance that the world did not end and life is as it was, I would like to stay in shape. The lack of destruction would correlate to an up-and-coming triathlon season.

Here are the conditions that I expect to see on my run, in the best case scenario:

I am assuming that the rest of the internet has been automated and archived. No further updates on the state of the planet are available at this time. The world as we know it is gone. Obviously, you made it through the catastrophe too or else you wouldn't be able to read these words. At least, I'd like to think that someone is out there reading these words (it was never a given under normal circumstances). We must cling to each other for support. I offer up http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/ as the last bastion of hope in the abyss that has become our reality. Keep up the faith and know that what ever happens, I still remain to offer up to you the gibberish that is commonly known as my blog.

Please feel free to chime in and tell me how you avoided the inevitable destruction. That information may prove vital to the survival of the species and future generations.

WW- I need new gear

I'm in the midst of reviewing my last race. There were some technical problems with that race (along with some tactical problems) making it an extremely difficult review. One of my technical problems: my front derailleur. Okay, it wasn't as much of a problem as it was a no show.

Here's a pic of my bike sans front derailleur. The shifting device itself is in pristine shape. However, the thing that mounts the derailleur to the frame, technically called a 'hanger' as I've recently learned, has sheared in half. I've also recently learned that having a working part without it being able to be mounted to the frame is quite useless. So, I brought the bike to the LBS and of course they didn't have the piece in stock. I was stuck doing the whole race in the small gears as the chain refused to stay on top.

Since I'm at the store and spending money, my inhibitions are lowered. I had some time to kill and I started to look around at all of the neat things that I could have. Understand that a year or 2 ago, some idiot at the USAT headquarters published a study that suggested that the average triathlete brings home roughly $150k per year. I have never met one of these athletes, meaning that there are some exceptionally rich athletes out there needing to balance out my kind. As a result, anytime you attach the word 'triathlon' to something, the price gets inflated.

For example, I need a new watch. Not that there's anything wrong with my Garmin, it's just that this one is so cool.

It's waterproof up to 3300 feet, made of titanium, and it is powered by the motion of your body. For just $89,999, it is a steal at $55 thousand off the retail price. If you buy this before I place my order, I'll be pissed. (If you get the chance, go to the Amazon site and read the reviews/ user comments. You'll thank me later.)

Since I'm having issues with my bike, it may be time to upgrade. The performance bike market has expanded greatly. I am thinking on getting away with my old school carbon-fiber ride for something more titanium. How about this ride?

For only $40,000 you could own this gem. It features "technology and innovations derived from racing car, with the highest levels of fabrication and craftsmanship." Included, for no additional fee, is an on-deck cycling computer saving your Zenith watch for the run.

So, now that I've (potentially) got a new watch and a new ride, I need some cycling shades. My current Trifosi sunglasses are on their 3rd year and have a few scratches. Enter the Dolce & Gabanna 2027b sunblockers.  These bad boys are a steal at just $383, 609. It's got gold and diamonds. These precious minerals indicate durability. Plus, the price makes sense as $383, 610 would be absolutely ridiculous for these UVA/ UVB/ and UVC protectors.

Finally, I need new running shoes. I had considered these:

These are vintage Air Jordans. They are made of highly sustainable silver proving to be not too gaudy for everyday use. The problem is that they are designed for the basketball court and I doubt that they have the correct support needed for endurance training. But, at only $60,000, MJ has personally autographed them, making them almost worth the risk of using them in a race.

If you want something running specific, might I suggest picking up a pair of these- 2007 Shanghai Golden Grand Prixat from Shanghai. Silver can tarnish, but these golden running shoes are for the long haul. At only $24,000, these vintage sneakers weigh in at 620 grams of gold (my new Mizuno Wave Rider 15s are roughly 300 grams of shoe). The added weight is worth it when you consider how strong and efficient your legs will become after prolonged running blocks in these shoes.

Both of the shoe suggestions, along with a few others, can be found here.

As you can see, I am conflicted with so many options. Whereas I cannot boast the salary figures of the 'standard' triathlete, I can at least take steps to blend in with the right gear.

Highly Personal Questions- Running Shoes

So, here we go again... Several of my runners asked me about shoes. It's as if the word coach is synonymous with "answer man". Just like running watches, I don't have the answer. Nor should I as shoes are highly personal.

A Brief History of the Running Shoe

The concept of the running shoe started back in the early Roman times. The shoes had evolved from sandals, which is the main reason the Romans were able to overthrow the Greek empire (other than extremely advanced war tactics, better sanitary conditions, kickass architecture, and reduced emphasis on communal bathing). The Greeks, as part of their military training, all read the book, "Born to Run" and had accepted barefoot running as the dominant form of exercise. Sadly, the Greek battle fields were cluttered with large, sharp cobble stones which caused the Greek soldiers to bounce up and down. Their phalanx fell apart and the Romans took over, mostly due to their foot coverings.

AKA Monkey Feet

As time went on, army leaders started learning that they could encourage their politicians to spend money on military research. Guns and nuclear weapons had not been invented yet. Scientists were already bored with trying to reinvent the spear (there's only so many combinations of shaft length to head weight that can be done). Engineers went on to focus on clothing and footwear. One early incarnation of the shoe had a soft rubber sole and toe pockets that fit the feet like a glove. Soldiers didn't like these shoes because their wives told them that their feet 'looked rather Simian' (umm, this exact conversation has not, err, actually happened in the Banter's household. Nope. I swear.) The lead scientists grew frustrated with the attitudes of the men and women. But, there's really no use in arguing over the beauty of a man in uniform and the effect it has on his lady. They filed the prototype. It was later discovered in an old museum and became the template for Vibram 5 Fingers.

The engineers, desperate for government funding, decided to expand on the sandal. Initially, the scientists thought that they could gain extra support and speed by adding leverage over the calf region. This was also considered decorative and the wives approved. Even though, no measurable improvement could be found, the style caught on. One day, while watching the Roman soldiers spar, they saw one bloke bring the spear butt down on the foot of another bloke. Ding ding ding. The top of the foot could use some protection too. So, they took the existing cork sole and simply added more leather. This became the template for all shoes for the next 2000 years. Engineers went back to the spear length to weight ratio without much success.

In the early 1960s-70s, some dudes noticed that some people rolled their feet while running. Some people rolled to the outside. Some to the inside. Some to the middle. As this was a new age of peace and sharing for runners, they believed that the middle was the best despite the fact that they had no evidence or data to confirm this belief. Didn't matter. The went on to build shoes that corrected pronation "issues". Then they set an aggressive marketing campaign stating that pronation control shoes will help reduce running injuries. There is still no real evidence that these shoes prevented any kind of injury. But, just like the electrolyte people's gibberish, people bought in and we've been forced to run in over-engineered shoes ever since.

So, where does that leave you and picking a running shoe?
Remember my answer about a running watch being very personal? Running shoes are worse. Everybody has different feet and different running styles. Plus, I am not, by any means, an expert on running shoes. I ran in HS in Nike Air Pegasus. Then, for some stupid reason, Nike canceled the shoe and I was forced to change. They realized their mistake and later re-introduced the shoe but it wasn't the same. Since then, I have run in Asics and Mizunos. Asics was my shoe for a long time until they increase the arch support (which hurt me badly). I switched and haven't strayed from Mizuno since. The problem is that I haven't experimented much with the different shoe companies or the different styles to give an informed recommendation.

Here's what I can tell you:

1. Don't go to Dicks, or the Sporting Authority, or other national chain store (not yet, anyway). Same with using the internet.
2. Go to a running store. (For local athletes, the Rochester area has a few that I have used in the past. Fleet Feet in Brighton. MedVed in Pittsford. Tri Running and Walking in Victor. They are all good.)
3. Bring in your old running shoes. Ask them to analyze your running gait. They will put you on a treadmill or run around the store. They will see what type of runner your are and have options.
4. Since you are probably not a sprinter, you don't need 'racing flats' or cleats. Since you are running a bunch of miles, get a regular running shoe. I prefer lighter shoes. Every shoe company makes a variety of shoes with varying levels of support. (I personally don't believe that the support does much for you. I also don't think the support hurts you either. Some people swear by it. I tend towards 'neutral', lighter weight shoes.)
5. Try on the shoes. Walk around a bit. Get on the treadmill and run in them for a couple of minutes. Pay attention to how your toes, heel, and arches feel.
6. If there is any discomfort, try a different shoe.
7. Your shoe should have a little room for your toes to wiggle. Feet can swell during a run. That means you need a little extra width and length. It should also feel snug, not tight, around your ankles.
8. More expensive shoes are NOT better. The best shoe is the one that fits you the best and is most comfortable.
9. BUT, be prepared to pay between $80 and $110 for this shoe.
10. After you have spent some time in the shop, buy the shoe from that shop! They have done you a great service and you should reward them with your business. In the future, you may decide to go to Dicks or shop on the internet for the exact same shoe. Not now. (FWIW, I refuse to buy shoes on the internet. There is so much variation in running shoes and I prefer to try each shoe on before I buy them. The internet does not give you this opportunity. Internet shopping does allow for cheaper prices and you can always return the shoes, I just don't like the hassle.)

I am a firm believer that running shoes are at least 90% independent of running injuries. That means that the shoes themselves neither promote nor prevent running injury. Most injuries can be related to training injuries (over-use, stress, repetitive, ankle rolls, bad coaching, etc). Just as there is not much data that pronation control prevents injuries, there is also not much data on it causing injuries.

The best advice I can give you when deciding on a running shoe is to get the shoe that will encourage you to run. Or, at the very least, won't discourage you from running. The other details are relatively minor. I have been known to pick on older model over a newer model simply because I liked the color better.

Highly Personal Questions- Running Watches

I coach a few kids. I coach a few adults. It's kinda funny how age doesn't really change the questions exchanged between athlete and coach.

In a recent email, the Frankenrunner posed this question:

What type of running watch should I buy? I went to the store and there are so many options. Some are more than $200 dollars. What should I do?

I've had this same question posted to me by the Soccer Mom, Pondering, the Little Red Haired Girl, the Real Runner (these people are members of the Cast and some of the awesome people I've had the pleasure to know). I honestly cannot answer this question. There is good reason for this: running watches are very personal. In much the same way that I will not recommend a specific sports bra, there are lots of different options for lots of different prices that fill lots of different needs. Plus, my personal experience in wearing sports bras is quite limited and I wasn't even sure that I was getting the appropriate level of support.

To make matters worse, you don't even need a watch for running. Hell, you don't need anything. No shoes. No shirt. No shorts. No nothing. If you decide to go all natural, start slowly. When you've perfected it, send pictures you'll know how simple running is.

So, the big question for you, and for the Frankenrunner, is, 'What do you want the watch to do?'

Watches can tell time, give pace, take splits, do distance, show heart rate, calculate elevation, measure calorie expenditure, impregnate your wife, and much, much more. In the end, you know your budget and desires much better than I do.

If you really NEED advice, start small. Get a watch that does total time and has a 'lap' feature. These are very cheap. I have had good luck with Timex Ironman brand. If I wasn't married, I'd walk down the aisle with my Garmin. There are very many other watches out there that are just as good. And, just like the sports bra, my personal experience is very limited to say which is the best for whom.

In the end, when selecting a watch, you need to know what type of data you want and how you will log the data. That's the reason I gravitate towards my Garmin. I am incredibly lazy. The Garmin will log the data for me with very little effort on my part.

For all of my runners, I want them to have a watch that has a chronometer, does laps, and has a lap recall function. For my adult runners, I prefer that the get a watch that also does heart rate. The difference? My kids tend to run while I am watching them. I can put my own stopwatch and control their pace. Since most of my adult runners (historically) have been female, they get kinda creeped out when I watch them too intently. They prefer to run on their own and I can advise their pace via heart zones. That's the data I want from them.

For myself, I prefer a much greater amount of data. This makes the Garmin 310xt a good fit for me. Plus, I use my running watch to gather data while biking.

In the end, my advice is to get whatever watch you want, that will collect the data you want, for the the price that matches your budget. Just be careful with the watch around your wife.

WW- Don't do the treadmill

There are lots of athletes that prefer to train indoors. Why would you want to appreciate the fresh air, the beauty of the world, and the serenity that can only be found in mother nature when there is TV to be watched?

I concede that the treadmill can give consistency to your workouts. You get to control speed. You get the control the slope. You get to remove any weather-related excuse to not workout. I still can't do it. I have tried. I don't want to do it again. And I think that you should avoid doing it too.

I believe that part of the reason I am so anti-treadmill is that I fear for my own personal safety. If you are a treadmill lover, I also fear for your safety too. These death machines will eventually take you out. Don't believe me? I have proof. Check it out...

Please be safe. Run outside and avoid being one of these people.

Death of an Old Friend

I am in mourning. An old friend of mine died recently. It was a workout relationship. Me and that friend have done virtually every bike and run workout for the past 2 years together. I am not sure I can survive my efforts without my buddy. Lately, I have been feeling empty, especially when I go for a run. There's a void that I am not sure would be filled. 

My heart rate monitor stopped working on me. 

 
The signs of it's demise were apparent so you'd think I had some time to prepare myself. For example, my normal HR while running is between 165 and 178. On September 7th, I went for a short, easy run. It recorded my max HR for the workout as 206. That in and of itself is not enough to call the morgue. There's more... On Sept 10, I went for a 6 mile tempo run. The device listed my average HR at 156 (well below tempo) with a max HR at 219. Either the device was gasping for air or the [220- (your age)] formula is in desperate need of revision (which is also true). On September 11, during a race mind you, it gave me nothing. My reported HR for both the bike and run was zero. It was gone. That's when I noticed the smell.

Some say that there are 7 stages to mourning:  

1. Shock- I couldn't believe that it was going. Even though I saw the warning signs, I was surprised that it had stopped. Part of me felt that it would resolve its problems on its own without any intervention. Before I was smart enough to see the clues, it stopped ticking (at least in the receptive way).

2. Denial- Even after it gave me no values, I continued to run in it for 3 more sessions before leaving it at home. If I try hard enough... If I give it enough time... It will start working again.

3. Bargaining- Dear God, please make it come back. I swear I'll be better. I'll wash it more often. I'll give it more blog time. I promise I'll have more efficient workouts. I don't want to run alone (if you don't count the PRP).

4. Guilt- I know that there's something I could have done to save it. Maybe if I had spoken a kind word. I didn't respect it enough. Man, I am such an idiot for letting a great device slip through my fingers. Maybe, just maybe, I'd have a working device if I'd replace the battery.

5. Anger- I am so pissed right now. How in the world will I quantify the effort of my run? HUH? Fricken HRM up and leaves me. Did it ever stop and think how I would feel? Plus, I might have to replace it. These things cost money. It's not like I can breed them for free.

6. Depression- I seriously don't know what I am going to do now. I have been biking and running on HR for so long that I can't imagine workout out without it. I miss the feel of its band across my chest, constricting me like an eternal workout hug.

7. Hope- Even without my beloved HR data, there are still ways to succeed. For example, I did the entire Syracuse 70.3 Bike and Run without it. I had a great race.  Rumor has it that running pace, when coupled with rate of perceived exertion, is as good if not better than HR. My next big bike purchase is a power meter, which trumps HR on any given day. 

Some also say that there's one more stage:  
Acceptance- Goodbye old friend. You and I have had some great times and great workouts together. There will always be a place over my heart for you.

Enter the Twit

Misconceptions as a Kid
Kids are awesome. They make assumptions based on the natural world that can border on the line of bizarre. Here are some gems I had as a child:

Remember the old TV show Wonder Woman?  It featured Lynda Carter as a tight-suited, secretarial type. When trouble arose, she changed into the most magnificent superhero. Superman kept his superoutfit buried underneath his business suit. Batman went down the BatPole and changed on the way down. Not Wonder Woman. She spun in circles in any public arena, and in a flash of light, magically her clothes fell off and were replaced with the scantily clad outfit of a villain fighter. I thought, as a pre-pubescent, that if I focused hard enough, I can actually see the change. I mean, Lynda Carter had it all. All over tan. Great hair. Golden Lasso. Bullet repelling bracelets. And, from a young boy's point of view, the best pair of boo__s. (Insert a 't', please). No amount of focus proved successful, regardless of the number of attempts at seeing through the flash.

Also, as a kid, I was afraid of growing up in my own Peter Pan sort of way. I noticed that there were no adults that liked cartoons. How was that possible? Was there something in their food or a law against adults watching cartoons? Did I have to replace Tom and Jerry with golf? Or Nascar? Or worse, football? That sucked. I wanted no part of that. Fortunately it was a total misconception. Now that I'm some sort of adult, I don't have to watch golf, Nascar, nor football. I still get to watch cartoons. Crisis averted.

Fact checking
Sadly, Tom and Jerry is not often played on any of the super-cheap cable stations I'm willing to pipe into my house. If it were, I'd watch. How else could you get me to listen to classical music? I do get Fox. Which means the Simpsons. Daily. The half hour between 6:30-7:00 is my TV time. If you are not a fan, you should try it again. The writing and content is far more intelligent than anything that I could spew. On an old episode, I heard the following "They have the internet on computers now," -Homer Simpson.

I'm not stupid enough to accept everything I hear, especially on the Simpsons. I did some research. Sure enough, I Googled 'internet' and low and behold, Homer was right. The internet has migrated to computers. It must have happened overnight.

After playing around, I noticed that the Internet has everything. Dietary advice. Money solutions. Teaching materials. Something called a blog (not sure if there's more than one at this time). Wow! Why hadn't someone told me this before? A word of caution, tread warily (OK, technically 2 words). Do a search for just about any woman's name and all kinds of freaky stuff shows up. I was a little embarrassed when I searched for Lynda Carter for the picture above (in case anyone didn't have a clue as to who she was). Sure, some of my 11 year old dreams may have been answered but at the expense of my innocence, which I will never get back.

I am a Twit
After learning about this Internet thing, I called a meeting of all vested interests in TriBanter Enterprises, Inc (copyright pending). The main objective of the meeting was to identify how better to take advantage of the Internet. The meeting was grueling and if anyone has any suggestions on how to make a brainstorming meeting less arduous, please let me know. Here were some of the thoughts tossed out:

• Take over the internet and require TriBanter be read before accessing any other website
• Replace 'http://' with 'TriBanter://'
• Develop a new web browser, call it TriBanter, with the goal of ousting Google. Users will now Banter something instead of Google it.
• Re-program the internet so that all websites will automatically re-route to TriBanter after 35 seconds
• Rename the internet the Banternet

These were the only ideas that were plausible. As you could guess, most of these options would require a lot more capital than is currently generated. Alternate solutions were needed. One of the attendees, maybe Pondering, suggested that I join something called Twitter. I asked how much? She said, "Nothing." Since that number matched my sponsor revenue and was easier than any one the other offers on the table, I signed up. Therefore, I have joined the other Twits out there (Is that the proper term for someone on Twitter? I couldn't find that information anywhere on their website.) Anyone with a Twitter account can now follow me. Can you guess my profile name? Hint: Ah, never mind. If you couldn't figure out the TriBanter's twitter name, I probably don't deserve you as a follower.

My biggest goal in Twitter is to keep myself motivated in my 40 Days of Working Out campaign. I started on Wednesday like a thoroughbred in Louisville with 2.5 hours of training out of the required 30 minutes. On Thursday, I only accomplished a 60 minute bike followed by a 5 mile run (:38 minutes). I'm currently on day 3 and going strong. Thirty-eight more days should be a piece of cake. We'll see where the Twit goes from there.