I have a confession to make- I am not a real human I don't actually own a computer. I'm one of the lucky ones whose job provides him with a nice Macbook, free of charge, simply by being awesome. Included with this computer is free maintenance, updates, virus protection, and high speed internet. That's right, I'm one of the lucky ones.
However, since I don't own the computer, I have no say as to when I get to keep it or as to when they get to take it away. If you haven't guessed, they took away my connection to the world. I sat around daily like Paul Simon wanting to keep his camera. (Didn't work out that well for him either, given the state of Kodak.) My 3-year lease on life had to be sent back and I had to hold my breath until my replacement machine became available. Luckily, I'm a former swimmer who had a coach that believed in hypoxicity. The lung capacity was ready for such a long haul.
The problem was that I wasn't keep up with my blogging duties. I tried really hard to find an existing replacement technology in my home that could keep up with the demands of the internet. I tried to log-on to blogger and use my phone. It was incredibly painful, with thumb typing (I currently use the 3-fingered hunt and peck version). But, I have an iPhone. This is what the king of phones is supposed to be used for, right. When it wasn't working the way I expected, I took it in to the Apple Store. The guys at the Genius Bar asked to see my phone.
At least I could still hear my music. We do have an old iPad (yup, we're an iHouse). For some reason, it wouldn't connect to the internet.
Turns out that it was just duct tape with an Apple logo taped to the front. (Please ignore the keyboard in the picture. That's to my still functioning Commodore 128 with the option to change to C-64 that I use for playing Pit Fall and Donkey Kong, original versions.)
When I went to graduate school, they gave us a 'free' (with paid tuition) Windows machine. Since the Wife refuses to allow such crappy machines into the house, I had to develop a disguise.
She wasn't fooled. Anyway, after all this time, I finally got my shiny, new portable computing device, complete with high speed wi-fi, and I'm ready to join the world again.
There's a lot of triathlon that's happened in between the last time I posted and now. I'll do my best to catch you up in a way that's appropriate and interesting (I struggle on both accounts).
Until then, here's a good video to keep you entertained that's been floating around the internet. It shows you the importance of not buying in to the hype being spewed by the shoe companies and their "pronation controlling technologies". The barefoot running/ natural running craze is here and it looks like it has staying power. These guys show you why.
About a week and a half from now, I plan on toeing the line at IM Syracuse 70.3 (not that we actually toe up on anything) (also, there's not really a line) (plus, it's highly debatable if it's right to label it with "IM") (or if it's actually in Syracuse). I have done this race in the past and I like it's placement both in my schedule (not many races early in the season) and in proximity to my home (it's within my 2 hour window of opportunity).
Making his appearance for the first time at Syr 70.3 will be the BIL. He has decided to be duped into competing at the half-distance event. It's not very smart if you ask me. There are several reasons for this opinion.
It's a tough distance
Syracuse is well outside of his 2 hour window
He's not bringing the Wife-in-Law
None of my gear fits him
On the plus side:
I get to hang out with the BIL (the only other triathlete in the family)
I get to hang out with the Niece and Nephew (ok, the niece my be an up-and-coming triathlon star)
Their presence gives me a reason to shirk several other responsibilities
Last time he visited the great state of NY, he borrowed my road bike for a triathlon. Let's be clear, I personally hate my road bike. The reason: It's not as awesome as my tri-bike. That doesn't mean it's a bad bike. In all reality, it's a pretty good road bike (if you like that kind of thing).
Well, the BIL's not having any of that 'borrowing the Banter's bike' gibberish. He's got his own, fancy new Cervelo and he can't live without it (finally, he's learning something). Since he's flying and not driving to here, there are complications. If any of you have tried to fly with your bike, it's a big hassle. Here's what the airlines suggest, all of which suck:
Purchase a hard case.
Disassemble your bike.
Jam it into the case.
Get charged a variable fee (anywhere from $50 to $7000 depending on the ticket agent, personality test, and color of the case) (one way)
Have your bike packing job completely ruined by TSA
Watch as the person with golf clubs gets to check their stuff for free
Purchase a separate ticket for the bike
This way, your bike gets it's own seat
It's not allowed to sit in the emergency row nor the exit rows
The airline often over sells the flights and it could get bumped to a different flight
The bike won't like it if it's required to sit next to an oversized person, crying baby, the talkative guy, or worse, a triathlete
Unless it gets an aisle seat, it will complain about leg room
Ship the bike via post office or other delivery service
Still have to pack it in some sort of box that requires disassembly
Must have it ready to ship several days in advance= less riding time
Even then, they might mistake "Rochester, NY" for Rochester, MN, Rochester, IN or Rochester, MI
Upon arrival, you have to trust that the moron you are staying with has any knowledge or tools of bike reassembly
What the BIL didn't know is that he could use K-Mart for all of his shipping needs. They'll ship your bike. They'll ship your clothes. They'll even ship your pants.
Recently, it became very obvious to me that tri-banter.blogpost.com is becoming world famous. There were a few subtle hints and one big, not-so subtle hint.
For example, on the administrative page of the blog, there is a built in stat tracker. That's right- I know who you are, how often you read my blog, from which browser is your preference, what type of device you use to access my musings, what you had for breakfast and how much money is in your 401(k). Actually, I only get to know what country you are from. As one would expect, the United States ranks right at the top of my frequent flyers. I thought the list would stop there. But, as you can see by the Top 10 compiled nicely by Google, I have quite the diverse readership with the UK and the new USSR battling it out like in the good old days. Now, I admit to being a product of the American public education system with all of its hoots and whistles. Therefore, I have absolutely no idea where Moldova is. Even further proving my Western hemisphere status, I'm too lazy to look it up (mostly because I'm pretty sure it's that big island country near the bottom, right of the pic).
Another thing that the blogger gives me stats on are which of my posts receive the most traffic. The top bread winner in that category is the "Brief History of Swag" post by a long margin. Apparently there are a lot of people out there who want to know about how swag got invented and my gibberish is the world leader in that research. It really is pretty sad as to how little has been written on the topic.
I have noticed a recent trend in traffic lately. It seems that my race reports are getting rave reviews (not that anyone is actually reviewing or commenting on them. At least, not publicly or in earshot). Here in lies my next big clue that I'm getting too big for my britches public recognition.
Enter Al.
I met Al at my most recent race. I'm working on an official, soon to be popular, race review, which is only semi-related to Al. After the race, I walked what was left of my carcass over to the trailer where they were going to post race results. I was sweaty, smelly, and ugly (basically, business as usual). While scanning the list and searching for my name, a fine looking, middle-aged man was looking at me.
"You're the Banter, right?" said Mr. Handsome.
"Um, yes." I responded quizzically. "How do you know this?" This is about as sincere and honest of a question that I could ask a potential stalker fellow athlete. I am not that social of a person. I don't go to parties. My networking skills are rock bottom. I can't remember a name to save my life (thank goodness not too many life-threatening situations require name remembering). I came to the race alone (the Wife opting to sleep in).
"I read your blog." I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped at this moment. First, I am impressed that there is someone outside of the family and not on the Banter payroll that reads my blog. Second, I'm in disbelief that anyone in the world could recognize me from any one of the 4 photos that I've posted of myself lifetime. Third, I'm dumbfounded that someone would remember both the first and the second and match them with the disgusting beast of a triathlete that was standing before him.
So, we got to talking and he told me his name was Al. I admit it, Al is his real name. Meeting my first real fan (assuming I can call Al a fan) must mean something special to me as that name is forever engrained in my memory. Should I ever breed, I might be willing to name my first born Al (hopefully it'll be a boy as Al is not that common of a lady name). Now, here will be the tricky part... Will I actually be able to remember Al's face on the outside chance that I ever see him again? (Unlikely. Sorry Al. I simply suck. Plus, I'm pretty sure that you'll probably avoid me like the plague next time we cross paths after reading this post.)
During our short time together, Al told me that he came across my blog looking for race reviews on some of the local events that I frequent. He slyly left out opining on the quality of those reviews. Then, we chatted for a while about today's race. Al told me that he pretty much nailed his race and was able to predict his splits down to the minute (which, again, is amazing as not only could I not even predict my splits, I couldn't remember where I parked my bike). We talked about the season ahead (Al and I will race again in the near future). Mostly, we were wasting time waiting for the next page of race results to be posted. Once the results were posted, I was now the least interesting object in the vicinity. Al and I parted ways.
Thank you, Al, for providing me with a little bit of self esteem. I appreciated our time together and hopefully I'll see you again (both in real life and in blog-stats form).
Oh, and just because this is Wednesday and I typically do a Wacky Wednesday thing, I thought I'd leave you with a couple of race reports from a Canadian Triathlete Professional (especially nice since Canada is #4 on the Banter viewing top 10 list). Here is how Trevor Wurtele files his race reports, for your viewing pleasure.
Don't expect anything like this from me anytime soon.
I do an awful lot of complaining about the weather, both in blog form and in conversation form. Most of my gripes are centered around the cold, rain, and wind. These, of which obviously, I'm not that fond.
Take our most recent Memorial Day weekend. The average high for our area is typically in the low 70s. For 2013, we had upper 50s to low 60s, wind and rain. Those conditions changed what would normally be an amazing training weekend into a complete pansy fest. At least I had the chance to overeat.
This up-and-coming weekend marks the first triathlon of the 2013 season. The Keuka Lake Triathlon is a pretty good race. I've done this race in the past, made some mistakes, and had some good times. But, with the atmosphere being below average for most of the spring, the water temps are sitting nicely near 56º. Brrr.
So, while I sit here and whine about my weather woes and how Mother Nature must hate my guts, I check out some other areas. For example, this was Lake Placid, NY on this past Sunday.
They got right around 30" of snow. I wonder how cold their water is. Here's what San Antonio, Tx looked like.
So, LP beat us in cold. Tx beat us in rain. At least we had some wind, right? I'd be remiss if I didn't pay homage to my OKC peeps. The BIL, Mrs. BIL, the niece and the nephew live right in the middle of the recent tornadoes. Whereas they are all safe and their house is still standing, the area is a complete and utter mess.
Here's the bad boy that beat them up...
And here's what being beat up looks like...
So, this post is really a reminder to me. The next time I start bellyaching about some below average temp, a little bit of water falling out of the sky, or some gusty winds, I'll have to keep my life in perspective. Even with our sudden drastic increase in temps causing near 90s this week, it's not so bad after all. I'll do my best to keep the whining at a minimum. (Not advertising full abstinence though. That would be asking too much.)
With the end of Winter Training season, racing season is just around the corner. No, not the crappy running racing season that never actually seems to stop. Nor the duathlon racing season which happens to fill the void between winter and racing. Whereas I recognize that those are real sports with outstanding athletes, they're just not good sports. I'm not really sure why those amazing athletes waste their skills on rudimentary endeavors. Triathlons are just a couple of weeks away!
In the Winter, I avoid the Y mostly because I'm too lazy to drive to the pool. I put off swimming until the last minute and even then I do it half-assed. Now that the first real sporting events are on the horizon, I have to decide between risking in some chlorine exposure or sucking in the water. Since I naturally suck, I don't need to add to the embarrassment. Therefore, I've been spending a lot more time at the YMCA lately.
(Sorry, still stuck on the Star Wars thing.)
One of the dangers of swimming, and one of my personal pet peeves, is that whatever song was playing on the radio will remain stuck in my head for the entire swim set. Even worse is that it's not the entire song, mostly the chorus. I've found that I typically cannot remember the rest of the lyrics and remember how many laps are in a 200 at the same time. (I have difficultly counting a 200 without additional distractions.) I doubt that I'm the only one.
The song doesn't even have to be good.
When you go to the Y, especially for the purpose of swimming, you
really cannot avoid the locker room. Most pools, my Y included, force me
to go through the Men's Locker Room just to gain access to the pool
deck. I suppose that I could go through the Ladies or the Family Locker
Rooms.
Quick poll: Which is less creepy? Grown man in Ladies LR or in Family LR without a child?
Now, I get to the Y before work. This is pre-8:00 am. None of the people fit the conventional definition of young, per se. There are 2 distinct attitudes of how to behave in the locker room: those who show their junk with reckless abandon and those who cover their junk at most but the shortest, necessary periods of times. If you separate these groups of people, there's a distinct age disparity.
This post is in honor of National Star Wars Day, which happens to be in a couple of days in case you're not a geek.
The post is inspired by one of the greatest pictures of a dude on a bike.
Now, as I understand it, this picture was posted to one of those Social Media sites. I'm not much into social media past this blog and an occasional twit comment. Thing is, on this particular site, you have the option of liking things. Not disliking. Nope. Couldn't have that. Only liking. I, for the life of the brain behind my Face, think that the website has something to do about a Book. Maybe there are some socially active people out there who understand that you should go to that website and find the Quintana Roo area, find the contest and like this Chewbacca. I agree, he really needs a new bike.
Of course, this got me to thinking on how else to link Star Wars to triathlon. There's this awesome swim suit for the ladies. Beep beep.
Here's how clones would practice swimming. Boots and all.
One day, I'll stop caring about my speed in a race and get one of these bikes, which are ironically called speedbikes. So, I'll stop focusing on bike speed to get a speedbike. Makes sense to me.
I tried to find some sort of amusing or symbolic picture of a running related Star Wars something or other. Nope. There's no evidence that anyone in the Star Wars universe actually ran. Why would they when they had the force, could travel at light speed and use weapons that would melt their hands off?
Further, there's no evidence that a Star Wars fan in this universe has actually run either. Sadly, most of us look a little bit like this.
And, just in case you have defied the odds and kept reading after the pic above, I've got a tiny reward for you. Recently, Harrison Ford (AKA Han Solo in case you really aren't into Star Wars, been under a rock or off planet Earth for the past 30+ years, and still have made it this far in the post) gave an interview about his new movie called 42. The fans couldn't resist asking him about... You'll see for yourself.
Racing season is right around the corner. And by the corner, I mean it starts this weekend. Sort of.
See, I've already done one race that didn't go so well. It was a running race so I couldn't have expected much.
This weekend, I get to add a discipline. On Saturday, the Flower City Duathlon takes center stage. I have done this race in the past and I previewed it here. For those too lazy to check, a duathlon is a run-bike-run. The bike gets to get out of the pain cave and out on to the open road. I hope it's up for the challenge.
On Sunday, Rochester will host the first big running event in the nation post Boston tragedy in the form of a half-marathon called the Flower City Half Marathon. They've upped security and made it abundantly clear that riding my bike during the race is absolutely forbidden. Sigh. Because I had some pretty good bicycles all set up and ready to go.
This bike has multisport written all over it!
Note: My lawn mower is actually broken right now making the above much more appealing.
Note 2: The bikes below are just in case something happens out on the road and I may need to replace the bike with something more efficient. These are multi-purpose bikes.
Okay, I don't actually know what the function of the bike nor the beard in the above. I'm pretty sure the bike below violates the laws of thermodynamics as a perpetual biking machine that also makes electricity.
And, the most applicable bike of them all, solving both nutrition and hydration problems at the same time.
The PRP and I went for a run today. It was an easy run for me. Borderline boring for him. Whenever we go for a slow run, he figures out how to waste additional energy (pisses me off). He'll chase a squirrel, bunny, and/or a leaf blowing in the wind. He really doesn't care, he just wants to run at near light speed paces and needs an excuse. Apparently, tossing the his bouncy ball with the fling-a-ma-jig isn't enough work for him either.
On one stretch during the jaunt, small mammalian wildlife was surprisingly scarce. The dog was not happy and he felt the need to share his thoughts with me. It's always a surprise when he starts venting for several reasons. First, he's generally a happy-go-lucky kind of dog. Negative emotions are not his strong suit. Second, I don't think that he was giving the hunt his full attention. He has a tendency to completely ignore birdies, which I think is a tremendous error. Third, he's a dog. I typically misunderstand his conversation tone. Go figure.
So, we got to talking about his current woes- lack of tail on the trail. In order to keep him talking, I asked him what he really wanted to stalk. "Cats," he replied. I don't see the appeal (admittedly, I'm not a cat lover) but I do sympathize with his plight. We moved out to the country. In our old neighborhood, cats were abundant and he had several opportunities to force them up a tree. In our current area, all the kitties have been replaced by possum and coon. That is, of course, except for the black and white striped kitties that I refuse to let him chase. He tends to sulk at that order.
In his honor, I have found the perfect solution. He likes balls. He likes kitties. He likes athletics. Here's some athletes that have combined all 3.
Sadly, he seemed mostly indifferent to this concept. There's just no pleasing some dogs.
I admit it, I'm a little brain dead right now. I don't think that I've recovered from this weekend's lousy 15k. My brain tells me that I should take a day or two off to allow the old bones to heal but my heart tells me that I'm Relenting and dedicated to that sort of success. To make matters worse, we are on "Spring" Break (quotations indicating that spring
is just an honorary title and not remotely close to the actually weather
conditions).
So, now I'm slower due to fatigue. Grumpy due to the cold chill in the air. And stupider for lots of reasons but most specifically due to not needing to think much while not working.
What's one to do?
I did try and use my brain to learn stuff. For example, suppose I wanted to go out and talk to intelligent people, where would I go?
My town is #13 on the list. Therefore, I wouldn't have to venture far. Where's the fun in that? Note: we were 9th on the list until I moved here. Coincidence?
I did spend some time re-reading some of my old posts. I have to tell ya that, after all of these years, I'm a funny guy. Seriously, I have to tell ya that. Here's the data to prove it.
As if to show you how far gone my brain has become lately, here's more proof of real-life items that I find absolutely hysterical.
Thank god I gave up pop years ago
Now, with extra bile
This is a Norwegian beer AND a prediction
And, last but not least, I have to tell you that I have a chip problem. It's true. I eat way too many of them. If I lived in Finland, I'd probably have 2 problems. Observe the chips with a bang.
If you're anything like me, you're a disappointment to mankind bit of an overachiever and an expert multitasker. This means that you can do your job effectively, browse the internet on your regular computer, search Facebook on your phone, and have a conversation with 7 of your colleagues, all while composing an email to your boss.
All of that may be correct, until recently. Because this is March. And with March comes lousy weather (unless you live in, well, almost anywhere in the US for the early part of 2013, then it's business as usual). March also brings you a bunch of college kids who are skipping school for the chance to play in a basketball tournament. According to conservative estimates, there are approximately 8.4 million work hours wasted costing roughly $134 million. Most of that by me.
I'm not really sure why this happens. Most people don't watch much college hoops (compared to the popularity of the tourney). Maybe it's the action. This may be true as many of those kids have wicked good moves and can soar through the air with ease, as seen in this dunking photo (which may or may not have been from game action). Maybe it's the intensity. Or the win or go home drama. Or people watch to see the Cinderella story put a beat down on the Goliath of college hoops.
There's also a hypothesis that people watch for the commentary. The halftime game analyses are amongst the best, most articulate pieces of video journalism. Notice how the scribes capture the moment perfectly:
There are rumors out there that some people just aren't in to the whole March Madness thing. I find this to be a crock. My reasoning, there are other forms of March Madness that have absolutely nothing to do with basketball. There are lots of different ways to hold your attention without hoops, too many to list. Such as food.
Or drink:
Or you can get excited about your favorite inspirational historical figures (I wonder if Barkley was on the bracket?):
But, like I said, you might be a little like me (sorry if that's in anyway true). This bracket might actually appeal to you.
It seems that Lucas is still out of touch with the real world. Apparently, he doesn't know how to divide the bracket up into regions and seed the top characters. Still, I expect you to go online and vote.
I'm considering starting a new program in which I exchange cash for heat. I'm confident that I could get enough people in my area to pony up and get a sizable donation, should there be any willing sellers. Ideally, we won't have to import even though India and Mexico have a history of an abundance of heat.
See, I hate winter. Or I think I hate winter. But, as of today, winter is officially over. The only issue is that winter didn't get the message.
In case you don't know, the actual start date of Spring coincides with the sun's venturing over the equator from a 6-month long vacation in the southern hemisphere. As of 7:02 am this morning (local time), the solar energy should be in our favor. I was tempted to walk outside in shorts and a t-shirt to celebrate the ascension of the occasion. Alas, I did not as we are still sporting January/ February type conditions with cold, snow, wind, and a bit of irritability.
A look at the forecast tells me this isn't bound to change in the very near future. Since the heat won't come to us, I'm taking matters into my own hands. I'm looking to buy some heat.
California. Texas. Arizona. I'm looking at you. Please send along a proposal with terms of service for roughly 5-10º F of spare energy. Florida- you need not apply. We already have all the moisture we need.
As it's clear that I'm kinda grumpy about our climate's decision to remain at the lower end of the reasonable expectations I need some cheering up. How about this?
Nothing like a B-rated horror film turned musical to put a smile on your face. The poster is quite unclear if Bruce makes an appearance.
Food is a sure fire way towards happiness. This dessert has it all. Dammit, I'm training and trying to lose weight. That idea's out.
I'm still a little under the weather. After my week-long flu virus, I started working out again. However, it feels like I am getting the making of a cold. Nothing like getting over 1 virus in order to be invaded by another.
The problem with having a cold is that I'm pretty sure that I've had a cold before. The last time I remember having a cold was sometime in my youth. Perhaps back in the 70s.
One of the great aspects about being sick for so long (I'm working really hard at being an optimist with varying degrees of success) is that I got to sit around all day long without any obligation or guilt in not doing any chores. This is indeed good because, as we all know, doing chores might actually make you sicker.
So, if I wasn't training and I wasn't cleaning, what in the world was I doing? Well, I did spend a lot of time on the computer. Okay, this isn't much different than my ordinary life. It's, perhaps, my internet time that was the official cause of my illness.
Now, if it weren't for my browsing, I would have never come across this video. I normally don't appreciate fat, middle aged men dancing in speedos, but this guy's got game. If it hasn't already, I'm pretty sure it'll go viral any time now.
If you have read my last 2 posts (Part 1 and Part 2), it seems a bit apropos to give you some education. See, the Banter-In-Law and I, while riding on cyclocross bikes, came nowhere near experiencing cyclocrossing. We were riding non-suspension ten speeds on a single track mountain bike trail. I, at least, did so rather poorly.
I was indeed curious about the sport. Therefore, I did some research. Like most modern day researchers, I did not venture further than my keyboard. As it turns out, Cyclocross is a subset of USA Cycling, the governing body off all sports involving a bicycle (except for triathlon, duathlon, aquabike, cyclorow, or anything else actually fun). To add legitimacy, they have even published their own magazine.
Apparently, cyclocross races are very competitive. Many races are short (less than 60 minutes), intense, multiple laps, and include obstacles. Obstacles such as mud, which in my experience is next to impossible to bike through.
Okay, I get that if you are out on a mountain bike trail that you might encounter some mud. Fine. But stairs?
Or hurdles?
Further, I learned that my system of pedaling for a short while and falling off the bike is more the norm than the oddity.
Especially when they put a big pile of snow right in the middle of the course.
With this post, I hope to have captured the true essence of cyclocrossing. If not, here's a graphic to clarify...
I couldn't leave this post without giving you some video of real people participating in real cyclocross competitions who have high quality, top notch skills. This is a compilation of some of the best in 2009 Cyclocross Championship held in Colorado. It sort of makes me feel better about my personal cyclocross skills.
