Over the Hump

As promised, here is an update as to how ReLenting is going this season. Today marks the halfway point of my ReLenting Days. The worst part is over.  It's all downhill from here. My palms are getting hairy. I'm on the back 9. I am officially over the Hump.

This whole Lenten Challenge thing for me has historically been rather difficult. Every time I've tried, I've failed. Much the same as my Ironman marathon run. I just haven't figured it out.

Here's the way things have gone in the past:

• Make huge goals
• Start off strong
• Fizzle in the middle
• Never quite make it 
• Hate myself in the end

Here's the way it's gone in 2013:

• Make huge goals
• Start off strong
• Get the flu
• Resume before recovered
• Relapse
• Feel guilty
• Start over
• Take the new program mile by mile

On March 16th, I scratched the original plan and tried again. I rationalized that there was no real reason Lent had to end on Easter. It's not like anyone else in the world was Lenting and ending on Easter anyways. I have completed 23 days of the self-required 46. The program will end on Tuesday, May 2nd.

Here's how things have gone so far in March. You'll notice the break in activity on the 14th and 15th, which is what caused the controversy in the first place. You'll notice the addition of the evil color yellow.

Here's how April has been shaping up. You'll see some running. And some biking. And you'll notice I forgot to swim.

Despite recent race results, I feel good. I feel confident. I might even start doing some speed work.

That should be fun.

Relenting My Training

I'd like to think that I'm getting smarter as I get older. Or wiser. Or at least capable of using past experiences as a means to make better future decisions. Isn't that the entire point of history class anyway? (Serious question as I suck at history (among other things).)

Every year I have, what I think, is the world's most brilliant idea for Lent. I'm going to give up not working out for the duration of the Lenten season. I had that same idea this year. Thus far, I have not succeeded. Ever. I had every intention of stepping up my game and making it to the end.

Then, that damn flu hit me. Now, according to the rules, I am excused from working out due to illness. I was confirmed ill for 6 straight days. The illness actually started on March 3rd. I ego'd my way through the 4th. Then, it was full warfare for the rest of the week.

I started up again on the 11th. I did this for a couple of reasons:

• I was feeling a little better
• My nose had almost stopped running
• The weather was such that I could wear shorts
• I'm an idiot

Let's zoom in on bullet #4. This is the most pertinent point because I was clearly not over my invasion. It didn't matter. I followed up with a run on Tuesday and a ride on Wednesday. Both were quality workouts. It was quite clear to me, however, that I was starting to relapse into virus country.

Now, here's were things get sticky. I took the next 2 days off. I call this preventative maintenance. Working out can weaken your immune system temporarily. If I was already sick and potentially re-sicking, a weakened pathogen fighter would not be wise.

How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I still had some runniness (in the nose, not the legs). The most telltale symptoms were my pansiness and a splitting headache. Whereas I'm typically a perma-pansy, headaches are few and far between. (Okay, I'm quite certain that I cause a few but that's not the same thing.) If I have excruciating head pain, it's because I've either been walloped on the head with an iron pipe, been imbibing beyond my means or something else is wrong on the inside. Since I don't remember being hit on the head (not saying it didn't happen), I didn't have anything to drink (that may or may not be true- I black out at times), I'm going with something was not quite right in my head (which is a pretty safe bet at any time of the year).

Well, the Banter Lenten Oversight Committee is not as convinced as I am. They are reviewing my case and focusing on the 14-15th of March. I stopped by the delegation the other day just to listen in on the proceedings. Policy and Procedure forbid me to actually get involved in the discussion but there's nothing in the bylaws stating that I can't hear the arguments. It was an eye-opening experience. I rarely see and hear people so polarized by an exercise topic.

One one side of the debate, the "Banter is Awesome" faction was arguing that the days off actually fell within the posted guidelines. He was sick. He felt better. He got sick again. He felt better again.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the "Banter is a Failure" clan was citing that rarely do people get sick in that fashion. If he was good enough to workout, and the workouts were of high quality, then he was good enough to put forth a couple of easy efforts.

However, the Awesome blokes pointed out that I worked out for 2 days with illness. Therefore, the 2 days later on just balances out.

Still, the Failure group countered with the "inability to make up missed time" rule. They stated that you can't make up for lost time before the time was actually lost.

I listened to the presentations and rebuttals for about 6 hours. A consensus was not reached. They were at it again today. I'm hoping that they will eventually call the case to a vote but it doesn't seem to be near that level anytime soon. The Awesome group seems to be leaning in that direction but the Failure group keeps calling in expert witnesses from various fields including sports medicine, virologists, and calendar making.

Despite all of their efforts, of which I truly am grateful, I have made a decision. I am Relenting Lent. That is to say that I am starting this whole Lent thing over. That means that I am Re-Lenting.

Since the calendar shows that March 16th was the first day that I got back into things, this will mark the initial period of Lent- Part 2. If I adhere to the original tenants of the challenge, I will workout everyday between now and Wednesday, May 1st, which is 47 days from the spot of the foul.

So here we go again. I am stubborn enough not to admit defeat. Idiot enough to keep going. And motivated enough to actually make it work. Or try to make it work. Or try to try.

I'll keep you posted.

Driving Into Spring

I really would like to know how in the world people came to base season change on a small rodent. It must have taken years of careful observation coupled with, and I'm pretty sure about this, plenty of ethanol. To make the leap of faith, and to practice it yearly, that a groundhog seeing its shadow or not will dictate the arrival of spring is completely fascinating in a disgusting sort of way. (Plus, if you've ever watched the video, I'm pretty sure the whole thing is rigged, further negating any hold in reality.)

I know that there are those who enjoy the winter wonderland (the Wife being at the top of that list). They see pictures like this and think, "It's so beautiful." I look at this shot of a path near my backyard and all I can see is a world that has had its color removed and replaced with white and gray. It's like taking a talented artist, maybe the pbs guy named Bob Ross, and asked them to paint a couple of happy little trees. But, in a cruel joke, they gave Ross only white, black, and gray paint. I suppose I don't actually hate looking at the snow but my world dictates that I must interact with said substance.

It's right around this time of year, in case you haven't noticed, when I loathe living in the northeastern end of the country. Spring will NEVER arrive early. At this point, I'm pessimistic that it will arrive at all. But, like any semi-intelligent bloke, I took matters into my own hands. Since spring won't come to me, I'll go to spring.

So I packed up the Wife and dogs and headed south. For those of you who didn't know, there is a semi-inverse relationship between latitude and temperature. As a rule of thumb, not dogma, the lower the latitude the higher the temperature. I live at around 45º north latitude. The Banter-in-Law lives at around 35º latitude. As I said, the relationship is only semi-inverse. Back home, the temps were in the 20's. Upon arriving in central nowhere, AKA Oklahoma, the mercury had to the mid 40's.

The above shot is a pretty good representation of the entire state. As you can see, there is absolutely no snow on the ground. The white/ black/ gray has been completely replaced by the representative colors of brown and red. I haven't checked in to it, but I'm pretty sure those are the official state colors, mostly because there aren't any other colors available. (Aside: Rumor has it that just I missed a big snowstorm than pummeled the locals and delivered a good 3/4 of an inch. Shut the city down for 12 days and some people had to ration supplies because they were caught off guard by the heinous precipitation. The National Guard was leaving the state as we drove in. End aside.)

Further analysis of the picture will reveal the extremely low water levels in what passes for a 'lake' around here. Obviously the BIL's neighborhood planning committee was not composed of triathletes or they would have better removed the tree stumps from the 'lake' bed and made it available for swimming. No such luck. In the background, you can see that the state's representative colors are worked directly into the brick construction. Almost all of the homes celebrate the brown and red motif. In the foreground of the shot, you can clearly see that I am a horrible photographer who cannot remove his finger from the frame, thus negating any criticism I may have about the landscape.

You will also notice the lack of any deciduous trees or forests, further angering the spirit of Bob Ross. This fact continues for miles and miles through Texas down to the Gulf. Wind speeds and gusts have nothing but a couple of rogue cows to slow the circulating air.

I am not complaining about any of this. Upon arriving into Sooner country, I said my hello's and promptly went for a run. Remember, this is Lent season and the 20 hour drive was non-conducive to Lenting. The thermometer said 43º at 9:00 pm. I put on my shorts and did a 4 mile jaunt in relative comfort. I had stepped out of the car into a different state. And into a different season. I had arrived in spring.

The Challenge of Lent- 2013

Before I get on with the meat of the post, I'd like to take a moment and apologize to those of you who are expecting some sort of Wacky Wednesday report. I would only interrupt such semi-hilarity for special occasions such as natural disasters, birthdays, or Alzheimer's. Today being the kick off of Lent, and with me having a tradition of being Lental, I will have to postpone the Wacking for later on this evening when I'm alone another time.
_________________

Happy Lent to you. For those of you who are new to the show, or for those who have just plain forgotten, or for those of you who simply don't care, I am a big fan of Lent. I have absolutely no idea why. Let's try and find out...

Lent 2011
This was my first year blogging and I came up with this great idea of giving up 'not working out'. I called this extravaganza the 40 Days of Working Out. I created some rules that qualified and quantified working out.

1. I must swim, bike, and/ or run daily. Other forms of exercise do not count.
2. For it to count, the total duration must be more than 30 minutes.
3. Intensity is not important.
4. I may not work out extra in one day to make up for another day.
5. I may excuse myself from exercise if there is a legitimate risk to my health, including injury.
6. I may excuse myself from exercise if there is a legitimate obligation to the Wife.

It wasn't until well into the season that I learned how to count and came to the conclusion that Lent was actually 46 days, not 40. I worked out for 45 of those days. Quote from the conclusion of that season, "I might have been better served by taking a day off and really attacking my workout versus stringing together a few of mandated sessions that my body wasn't interested in."

Lent 2012
It's amazing what a year will do to your brain cells. The further you are removed from the incident, the more appealing it becomes. Lost to the wind are the bad times. Gone is the hatred. Absent is the negative. The only thought that remains is the calling that lead you to the original conclusion. Therefore, I decided to try again. "I promised that I wouldn't do that again. As it turns out, I am a complete idiot."

I failed. But, the Lenten Challenge leave me alive, with only a couple of scars down the sides of my cheeks as reminders of the experience. It went so poorly that I didn't even report my progress, or lack there of. I completely glossed over the fact that I was a Lenten Loser. I blogged as if the Challenge didn't even exist. Sorry about that.

Lent 2013
Starts today. And, since I am obviously a short-sighted bloke with poor long-term memory skills and a lower-than-average cranial capacity, I am officially starting the 2013 46-Days-of-Working-Out.

Given my Lenten history of bitterness and failure, why in the world would I do this again?

Well, for the exact same reasons I annually sign up for the Ironman (which may not be too far off from now). For 1, it's hard. For 2, I hate failing. Even though I biff it repeatedly, that doesn't mean I appreciate the fact that it won. Every year I have a rotten IM. Every year I have a rotten Lent. But, I think I can beat them both. I have no evidence for this. The data actually refute that hypothesis. Doesn't matter to me. I'm quite stubborn on most aspects of life and I'm not going to let this one a pass.

With each subsequent failure, I grow stronger in my desire to prove to myself (and to you if you care to read about it) that I have what it takes to actually be a success. Just because I sucked in the past is no reason to predict that I will suck in the future. (Okay, that may be bad reasoning. But reasoning intelligently has also not been one of my strengths.)

Hear that Lent. I am not afraid of you. I may despise you, but I am willing to tackle you head on. Face first. You may win again this year. I won't be easy. I refuse to go down without a fight. If you have any hope of beating me this year, you had better bring it. Because I am ready. (Plus I also have a few extra pounds I need to lose. I'll add that to the list of incentives to beat the system.)

Goals of my Lenten Challenge 2013

• 46 Consecutive Days of Working Out
• Following the rules and procedures established in 2011
• Lose 8 pounds by Easter  (official weigh in this morning, on my off by 5-pounds scale, was 172.2)

Anyone else with me? Goals for you?

The 2012 Lenten Challenge

Last year, I had this less than swell idea. First, I hypothesized about the function of Lent and I'm pretty sure I hit the nail on the head. Then, to honor the season I decided to do 40 days of working out. Due to some really shady math system established by the Christian calendar many hundreds of years ago, 40 days became 46 days of working out. I hated it.

I promised that I wouldn't do that again. As it turns out, I am a complete idiot. I have every intention of working out everyday between now and Easter. And, as it turns out, I am a couple of days behind (see 'Exceptions to the Rules' below).

My Proposed Workout Schedule

I call this the classic 5, 4, 3, 2 schedule. 5 rides. 4 runs. 3 swims. 2 lifts. 1+1 optional bike and run. Bike rides must be longer than 30 minutes in order to count. Runs must be longer than 3 miles to count. Swims should be done in a pool. I have no criteria on lifting. In fact, the only reason  I lift weights is to get revenge on the bully that steals my lunch money the Wife insists that I have more chest muscle than her.

Rules
1. Workout daily
2. Continue until Easter

Seems easy, right? Like every challenge, there's some fine print.


Exceptions to the Rules (I.E. excuses to not workout)
1. Severe illness
2. Injury
3. Wife veto (she might want some Banter time)

Since Lent actually started last Wednesday, I should have posted this nearly a week ago. I have not been keeping up. No exercise on Wed, Thur, Fri, nor Sat. I did go for a ride yesterday. The rhinovirus conveniently handed me exception #1. Pending no further interactions with my students (good luck on your tests), avoiding any knee pain, or extra time with the Wife, I'll have roughly 42 days of working out. Stay tuned...

And on the 47th Day- He Rested

Introduction
It's been 48 days since I started the 40 Days of Working out. I took Easter Sunday off as a recovery day and an opportunity to eat a week's worth of calories and burn them off by beating up my nieces and nephews. You can find the initial post and self-imposed rules here.

My original plan for the 40 DOWO was simple, I needed to ensure motivation during the month of April to continue training. April has a history of greatness. There's a few things that have historically occurred during the glorious 4th month.

• The Revolutionary War started
• George Washington was elected president
• Hank Aaron tied then broke Babe Ruth's home run record
• The Apollo space missions got started
• The Boston Marathon
• Earth Day (which has multiple meanings for some)
• Opening Day of Baseball (go Cubs!)
• Tax Day (glorious does not necessarily mean good)
• Track Season/ Coaching starts

It's that last one that really eats into my time. I like coaching and would not give it up. The rewards far outweigh the burden. Plus, the extra money helps pay for my triathlon fetish, including financing extra gear, toys, etc. I will keep coaching, despite the impact on my training.

Comparison
In April, 2010, I logged just over 36 hours of work (ignoring the final week on April). Not fantastic by any means. See chart below, click to enlarge...

As you can see, I was a pathetic swimmer, getting in the water a grand total of 5 times, then nothing for the next 2 weeks.

The week of the 19th-25th marked a big bike week as it was Spring Break and the weather was as perfect as you could expect from the New England area in April.

Notice the lack of consistency. Up and down in my training hours. I took a total of 9 days off in that month (6 during the comparison time)

Now, let's gander at April, 2011. Comparison disclaimer- the 2010 data table includes one additional week than the 2011.

Notice that my laziness has increased in that I stopped naming and defining workouts. The total number of training hours had dropped compared to a year ago from ~36- ~30. If I were to apply causation to this, I'd probably blame the colder than average temperatures for this season keeping me on the trainer, limiting my motivation to get outside and put forth the really big miles on the bike. Either that or I'm a big pansy. I suspect both actually apply.

But, I was more consistent in the weekly distribution of training (still not perfect though). I took less days off (1 as compared to 6).  My long runs were longer. And, what's not shown on these graphs is my average running pace, which is drastically faster in 2011.

Pros for the 40 DOWO

• Total number of workouts
• Long runs
• Run/ bike speed

Cons for the 40 DOWO

• Total training hours
• Hours on the bike
• Stress created when tired and not yet worked out
• Long ride endurance

Conclusion

As I reflect on the experience of exercising a total of 45 out of 47 days during the Lenten season, I would probably not do it again next year. I now fully understand why God rested on the 7th day. It was a superior recovery plan. I believe that there were several times when my body was saying, "Skip it," but the mind was droning, "must meet 30 min criteria". In the long run (no pun intended), I might have been better served by taking a day off and really attacking my workout versus stringing together a few of mandated sessions that my body wasn't interested in.

However, I am enjoying the additional running speed I have incurred. I also suspect that my biking is actually faster this year as compared to last year, despite my obvious lowered level of endurance. Since the forecast continues to be bleak, I might not know until sometime in August.

40 Days of Working Out- Update

The New Math
Having usurped some philosophies from contemporary lines of thought, I, a few weeks ago, decided to take on the notion of adopting a Lenten perspective towards working out. Having limited exposure to the concept and educated by the popular media, I decided that I would give up 'not working out'. Or, stated positively, I would workout daily during the 40 Days of Lent, which I have entitled "The 40 Days of Working Out" or 40 DOWO.

From the get go, the process was flawed. First, I fully believed that the Lenten season, start to finish, was 40 days long. That's what I've understood since the early days of observing the Lenters through my own personal looking glass. There have even been movies made about the concept of 40 days. Hollywood wouldn't steer me astray, right? Well, even a poorly trained monkey could go to a calendar,  start on Ash Wednesday, count until Easter, and get a number a full week longer than 40 days. According to my spiritual advisor, the BIL, apparently Sunday's don't count. This puts a kink into the system rendering the title 40 DOWO completely inaccurate. If only there was some sort of manual, a book that had these guidelines (amongst others), a word that explained how to live and behave, then I might have gotten this correct. Alas, I'm unaware of any such novel. I'm sure if it existed, it would be bought by millions and might even be a best-seller of all time. Hopefully, someone will pen a few chapters and make it available for the masses.

Second, I started the process with an understanding that the Winter Training Season might end soon. A short 10 days plus some hourly change after the Lenten Season began, winter was supposed to end with the solar rays finally crossing over into our hemisphere. This is usually met with the re-migration of several species of animal and the arrival of warmer temperatures. We had one day in which the mercury (for those of us who haven't traded the mercury for dyed-alcohol) stumbled over the 50º plateau, only to be met with a polar air chaser. The snow has reappeared and the bike has remained in the basement.

The Mark Against Me
Despite the challenge of increasing my workout total from 40 to 47, I have been faithful to the original rules. You can read them here. Thus, I've done some form of SBR for at least 30 minutes a day for the past 18 days (as of this writing). One day, a nasty form of belly rumbling turned a normally spry Banter into the fetal position for several hours. I cut it close, bravely climbing out of bed, and started a run at 9:40 pm (bed time in the Banter household is typically 9:30). The streak was still alive.

After 2 full weeks into the 40 DOWO, I entered a recovery week in my training schedule. Having planned this recovery week months before incepting the Lenten workout philosophy, I was conflicted. Fortunately, 30 minutes of cardio is not enough to ruin a good recovery day and my original schedule was not compromised. But, lurking in the shadows was a hidden force that might prove to end the streak.

See, smack dab in the middle of Lent this year lied a special day. Actually, it was a milestone of a special day. Here within happens to be my wedding anniversary. Not only was it my wedding anniversary, but my 10th wedding anniversary. And by 'my', I really mean ours. The Wife is nothing short of amazing and the most spectacular supporter of all things Banter. The fact that were still together is evidence of her superiority. Anyone who can tolerate me for even brief periods of time deserves an award. Ten years? The Noble Prize committee is currently reviewing the situation and we are expecting a call from the King of Sweden any time soon.

On the morning of the special day, I had the proverbial Angel/ Devil on the shoulder kind of inner chatter. The right brain was telling me to get up early and hit the pool before work. The left side was saying "don't you dare." Now, I don't normally listen to the left side of my head. But on this morning, the left side was closest to The Wife and it was making more sense. I'm sure I'd be lost without her and therefore the 40 DOWO was in jeopardy.

Foresight
I didn't pay attention to the anniversary date when calculated the 40 DOWO. However, I was smart enough (for once in my life) to recognize that I'm not in this whole life thing alone. The Wife got her own rule, which I enacted on that day. She got the priority. We slept in. Went to work. Returned. Went to hibachi. Drank some wine. Ate some hibachi. Then we got home. And can you guess how we celebrated our 10th Anniversary? Correct! And it was awesome. We ate 1/2  a 9x11 cake. We drank some more wine. We were in bed by 9:30. Great night. Anything else that may have happened in the mean time is just hearsay and your imagination.

So, here we are, right in the middle of the Lenten season. I've exercised on all but one, in which I'm giving myself a free pass. My house and my rules. I'm comfortable in my commitment to both The Wife and the 40 DOWO. Only 22 more days (or 27, depending on which number you use) for the DOWO and going strong. Only a lifetime left for the Wife. Life is good.

Enter the Twit

Misconceptions as a Kid
Kids are awesome. They make assumptions based on the natural world that can border on the line of bizarre. Here are some gems I had as a child:

Remember the old TV show Wonder Woman?  It featured Lynda Carter as a tight-suited, secretarial type. When trouble arose, she changed into the most magnificent superhero. Superman kept his superoutfit buried underneath his business suit. Batman went down the BatPole and changed on the way down. Not Wonder Woman. She spun in circles in any public arena, and in a flash of light, magically her clothes fell off and were replaced with the scantily clad outfit of a villain fighter. I thought, as a pre-pubescent, that if I focused hard enough, I can actually see the change. I mean, Lynda Carter had it all. All over tan. Great hair. Golden Lasso. Bullet repelling bracelets. And, from a young boy's point of view, the best pair of boo__s. (Insert a 't', please). No amount of focus proved successful, regardless of the number of attempts at seeing through the flash.

Also, as a kid, I was afraid of growing up in my own Peter Pan sort of way. I noticed that there were no adults that liked cartoons. How was that possible? Was there something in their food or a law against adults watching cartoons? Did I have to replace Tom and Jerry with golf? Or Nascar? Or worse, football? That sucked. I wanted no part of that. Fortunately it was a total misconception. Now that I'm some sort of adult, I don't have to watch golf, Nascar, nor football. I still get to watch cartoons. Crisis averted.

Fact checking
Sadly, Tom and Jerry is not often played on any of the super-cheap cable stations I'm willing to pipe into my house. If it were, I'd watch. How else could you get me to listen to classical music? I do get Fox. Which means the Simpsons. Daily. The half hour between 6:30-7:00 is my TV time. If you are not a fan, you should try it again. The writing and content is far more intelligent than anything that I could spew. On an old episode, I heard the following "They have the internet on computers now," -Homer Simpson.

I'm not stupid enough to accept everything I hear, especially on the Simpsons. I did some research. Sure enough, I Googled 'internet' and low and behold, Homer was right. The internet has migrated to computers. It must have happened overnight.

After playing around, I noticed that the Internet has everything. Dietary advice. Money solutions. Teaching materials. Something called a blog (not sure if there's more than one at this time). Wow! Why hadn't someone told me this before? A word of caution, tread warily (OK, technically 2 words). Do a search for just about any woman's name and all kinds of freaky stuff shows up. I was a little embarrassed when I searched for Lynda Carter for the picture above (in case anyone didn't have a clue as to who she was). Sure, some of my 11 year old dreams may have been answered but at the expense of my innocence, which I will never get back.

I am a Twit
After learning about this Internet thing, I called a meeting of all vested interests in TriBanter Enterprises, Inc (copyright pending). The main objective of the meeting was to identify how better to take advantage of the Internet. The meeting was grueling and if anyone has any suggestions on how to make a brainstorming meeting less arduous, please let me know. Here were some of the thoughts tossed out:

• Take over the internet and require TriBanter be read before accessing any other website
• Replace 'http://' with 'TriBanter://'
• Develop a new web browser, call it TriBanter, with the goal of ousting Google. Users will now Banter something instead of Google it.
• Re-program the internet so that all websites will automatically re-route to TriBanter after 35 seconds
• Rename the internet the Banternet

These were the only ideas that were plausible. As you could guess, most of these options would require a lot more capital than is currently generated. Alternate solutions were needed. One of the attendees, maybe Pondering, suggested that I join something called Twitter. I asked how much? She said, "Nothing." Since that number matched my sponsor revenue and was easier than any one the other offers on the table, I signed up. Therefore, I have joined the other Twits out there (Is that the proper term for someone on Twitter? I couldn't find that information anywhere on their website.) Anyone with a Twitter account can now follow me. Can you guess my profile name? Hint: Ah, never mind. If you couldn't figure out the TriBanter's twitter name, I probably don't deserve you as a follower.

My biggest goal in Twitter is to keep myself motivated in my 40 Days of Working Out campaign. I started on Wednesday like a thoroughbred in Louisville with 2.5 hours of training out of the required 30 minutes. On Thursday, I only accomplished a 60 minute bike followed by a 5 mile run (:38 minutes). I'm currently on day 3 and going strong. Thirty-eight more days should be a piece of cake. We'll see where the Twit goes from there.

Doin' It- Banter Style

Upbringing
One could say that I was not brought up in a religious household. My dad was baptized Catholic and his baptism was the last confirmed time he was spotted in a church, except for the occasional wedding or funeral. Oh, there was that one time the church held a garage sale but I don't think that counts. My mom was something called a Congregationalist, or Congressionalist, or Congresswoman. I'm still uncertain as to what this means. I think its Christian. It might be a Lutheran sect. It's possible they vote on stuff. We stopped going when I was about 7 because we moved and now church was about 45 miles from the house. Way too far for salvation. That may be the reason I am lazy. I inherited it.

Despite my lack of childhood brainwashing exposure to religion, I am absolutely fascinated by it and have taking it upon myself to learn as much as possible. Despite my best efforts, there are so many practices and procedures that are confusing. Lent is not one of them. Having had no formal training in the concept, I'm pretty sure I've got it figured out. My best guess is that there are those who are still vexed by Lent. I shall now share with you the results of what I have learned about Lent, based solely on loose observations over several years.

The Facts of Lent
Lent lasts for a little more than a month, about 10% of the calendar year. Exactly when it starts is a complete mystery, it changes every year. To the best of my knowledge, there is an anomaly in the atmosphere that kicks off the season, of which I haven't felt. I view this as akin to how birds know when it's time to fly south for the winter. They just know. Same with the Lenters. They just know. And, for some reason, Lent seems to start on a Tuesday evening or Wednesday early morning. This has made no sense to me in the past and makes no sense to me now. Why not start on a Monday? Or Saturday? Why Tuesday? No one knows. If the Lenters get it, they ain't sharing.

On that Tuesday, especially in places like New Orleans, some Lenters will party like its 1999 (including when it was 1999). Magically, the party ends and definitely by Wednesday's breakfast, Lent is in full swing. In several interviews with Lenters, I have posed a simple question, "What are you doing for Lent?" (This was an interactive investigation.) I like open-ended questions as they give an opportunity for the subject to express him/herself. The responses vary but can be lumped into one of 2 categories. The first, widely more popular category, is the "I'm giving up _______" category. The second, smaller category is the "I've started _______" category.

Here's where I like Lent. It doesn't matter which category the subject had chosen. At the end of the story, they were a better person. I'm giving up smoking, alcohol, reading bad online blogs, etc. I've started working out, spending time with the children, reading bad online blogs, etc. I've also learned that, whatever they've decided, they must to do it, or not do it, DAILY. Not once in a while. Not weekly. Daily. Further, they must continue to do it until someone says stop. I don't know who. Maybe they all are on a secret email list. Remind me to check my spam filter later this week. If there is no form letter, again, the Lenters just know.

I've always liked the concept of Lent. This seems like a worth while venture. I want in. I may have to pledge. Regardless, I'm gonna do it.

40 Days of Gettin' It On Working Out
Unsure if I have to pay a charter fee, I have decided to drop myself into the latter Lenten category. I will become a Lenter and train for the entire Lenten season.  To be clear to myself, here's the rules I have drafted:

1. I must swim, bike, and/ or run daily. Other forms of exercise do not count.
2. For it to count, the total duration must be more than 30 minutes.
3. Intensity is not important.
4. I may not work out extra in one day to make up for another day.
5. I may excuse myself from exercise if there is a legitimate risk to my health, including injury.
6. I may excuse myself from exercise if there is a legitimate obligation to the Wife.

In years past, I have experienced a lull in my training in early April. It's raining. It's windy. It's cold. I'm a pansy. I'm busy working. I'm coaching. My teeth hurt. Now that I'm a Lenter, I will work through the April doldrums. Let the Lenting begin.

P.S. If you are a Lenter and on the inside, I'd appreciate a note letting me know when I can stop.