One for the Doggies

I honestly don't think I give the PRP enough blog time. He runs just as many miles as I do. Ok, sometimes he runs more if you count ball chasing. Since he doesn't wear the Garmin while fetching, I feel obligated not to count his wind sprints. Translation: Garmin didn't see it- it doesn't count.

Anyway, there's a valid reason why I like the dog so much. No, it has nothing to do with my jealousy over his dexterity and flexibility. It's just that we think many of the same thoughts. For example, any time that I am introduced to a new substance, my initial thought is "Can you eat it?" If the answer is no, my secondary thought is "Fine. Where's the stuff you can eat?"

Based on the PRP's behavior, he pretty much agrees. He likes to take things a little bit further by actually eating it before he decides if it's edible. Well, to each his own.

Moving away from the food genre, both me and the dog like to be petted. It really is a shame that the Wife only has 2 hands. We have 2 dogs and they seem to have a monopoly on her attention. I can't compete with that.

Plus, there really is no bad place to pet a dog. If you can pet it, he likes it. I admit, this is another area in which the dog and I agree.

In case you didn't know, my doggies are also working dogs. Yeah, even the non-running dog goes to work. They are highly qualified to do their jobs. They went to class, passed a test, and have been certified therapy dogs for a couple of years.

Recently, we were asked us to take them back to school. The other day, we hit one of the local college campuses to relieve the stress of those poor kids who have been locked up in their dorms for weeks. Basically, we hung out in the foyer of the athletic building and college kids came by and petted the doggies.

Here's what that looks like:

And, just for the record, I am not a cat lover. The main reason is that I'm highly allergic. In a close second place, I just don't appreciate them as a pet. They don't chase a ball. They don't do many tricks. They don't come when you call. And they don't know how to get pet.

My Pantie Problem

[There's a lot of separate backstories to the main point of this posting. They come together at the end. Please be patient.]

Story 1- Online Shopping

The Wife does a significant amount of shopping online. We get all sorts of things delivered to the house, from food to toiletries to apparel. It's kinda like Christmas for me. A box appears on our doorstep courtesy of the local UPS guy and I'm all giddy with excitement about the surprise that's inside. Cha ching, it's the economy size pack of Puffs (the kind that you blow into, not the kind that you blow out of).

(Having just re-read that, I think I failed at clarifying my point. But I'm gonna keep it as I think it works anyway.)

Online businesses are confusingly sneaky in their marketing campaigns. We (meaning the Wife) did a product search. Then we (still meaning the Wife) purchase from a site that offers an appropriate brand at a fair price. We (meaning me) provide credit card information. They (meaning the company) ship the item to our (meaning our) house. We (meaning the Wife) open the box and reap the rewards.

You'd think that be the end of the purchasing story. However, they (meaning the company) require certain information to get the product to our (meaning our) home. Such as an email and street address. Then they (meaning the company) now feel that they (still meaning the company) and we (meaning the Wife) are best buds. They (I'm pretty sure you know who) will repeatedly send us (meaning me as it was my credit card) catalogs and advertisements to buy more of their products. They (you still know who) found a loop hole in the anti-spam/ junk mail laws.

That's how I (meaning me) receive repeated Victoria Secret catalogs.

Story 2- The Weather

I looked it up. For my area the coldest days of the year, based on average highs and lows, happen between January 10-25th. It seems that the jet stream, in conjunction with the Canadian Weather Authority, are aware of this phenomenon and have been working diligently to turn down the thermostat. Today is actually the 'warm' day of the week.

Despite what people think, January in upstate NY has an average high of right around the freezing point of water. This is the result of careful math over the past 100+ years of data. The average low is in the upper teens.

Not included in the chill- snow, ice, wind, and the penchant for plow vehicles to not care if you are running on the side of the road or not.

Story 3- The Training
I have dedicated myself to improving my run. I'm not much of a runner. I sport average speeds in the discipline but I recognize that I have room for vast levels of improvement.

The best way to improve your running is by... wait for it... because what I'm about to tell you lies opposite of what all of the Saturday morning infomercials tell you... it is contrary to everything that the masses want to hear (including myself)...

...The best way to improve your running is by running more. There really is no way around it. Running is a skill and, just like all skills, the more you (meaning me) practice the better you (meaning me) will get. If I want to be a better runner, I need to run.

The Second Story of this post has not helping much. This week alone, I have run in temps of 6º, 8º, and 13º. That's in Fahrenheit. For those of you who speak Celsius, allow me to translate: It's fricken cold!

Story 3- The Support Structure
Once you factor in the training with the weather, a new problem presents itself. Mostly in the world of sporting apparel. Layers upon layers of clothing are needed just to brave the elements. My wardrobe is wholly inadequate for the task.

In the summer time, what I'll refer to as the happy season, you can get away with minimalist attire. Shoes are used by most. Shorts are required by law. Shirts are optional. Ladies, this is even true for you in NY, so long as your not selling or lewding, so feel free to be free.

In the evil season, you still have the option of going free but exposure is not recommended. Hence the need for more coverage. The other day, I had on a base layer shirt, turtleneck, long-sleeved tee, and a jacket. For bottoms, I had jogging pants over running tights over running panties. I couldn't believe that I actually had to wear panties.

Most of my running apparel has built-in man supports. Panties are not recommended in running shorts due to the briefs or compressions sewn into the short. Coverage and comfort all built in to one garment. Without these marveling bits of technology, I (meaning me) would just become an extra in the cross county running scenes for the Movie Juno.

To be truthful, my boys don't need that much leverage. They were built strong and I have run many-a-times in boxers with no discomfort. I do own running panties for different reasons. Specifically I bought them because I coach, including leading stretching, and don't want any dude slippage in front of my athletes.

These panties are finally beneficial to me (meaning me) in the sport of running. Sometimes, despite their heartiness, the boys get cold. Cold on testicles doesn't actually do them much harm. Sperm can be deposited and frozen for many a year and maintain their virulence. It's just that the freezing environment scares the bejeezus out of them, as evidenced by their penchant to tuck and hide. The panties keep the nether regions warmer and less numb.

The Problem
I simply don't own enough running panties. I have been running from 7-9 times a week in an effort to increase my effort. Or is that decrease my effort? It doesn't matter. I simply don't have enough panties to keep up with the weather and my recent running habits.

This whole issue would be moot if the weather would change. Or if I moved. Or if I ran less. Since none of those things seem to be happening anytime soon, I have to figure out something else.

The Possible Solution
Here's the part where I promised you that all the individual stories would come together:

I've been looking a lot at the Victoria's Secret Catalog lately.

WW- SBR in the Snow

It's gotten cold. So cold. Like Canadian cold. How do you people up north live with this? I absolutely hate it.

There are a few people who actually enjoy the snow. I prefer to call the morons die-hards. They pretend to do "fun" things in the snow such as skiing and sledding. Basically, fun in the snow revolves around putting wood on your feet or butt and sliding down an incline. Wowee!  Also, apparently, there's sport done with a broom, a stick, and a disc. I'm pretty sure that sport is called "cleaning up the kitchen", although I've never done it before.

See, I'm a triathlete doofus (who seems to have problems with the strikeout function). This mainly means that I prefer summer activities. Running, biking and swimming are my picks. These are not normally things that are done when the temps drop and the white falls.

I suppose that there are a few individuals that prefer to run in the snow. Such as horses and Siberian Huskies.

Biking in the snow is exceptionally challenging in the snow. You need fat tires or chains. You might also need additional layers of clothing. Lots of clothing. Mobility will be compromised. For example:

 

Even Calvin and Hobbs finds biking in the snow ridiculous.

But, the big kicker is swimming. Most swimming is done in the pool. In the summertime, I get out to do some open water swimming. Other, more courageous people combine snow, swimming in the pool, and open water swimming all in the same workout.

Behold the Snow Swimming Championship!

Some notes on this video. According to the makers, the competitors are not drunk (believe that at your own risk). And, in their current state, their flip turns are better than the average triathlete's.

The Problem with the iPhone

The Wife can to me all proud and giggly about this new iPhone app that she found. It was a workout app and, much to her credit, she's caught on that I enjoy working out. It's nice to know that she's paying attention after all these years. Anyway, the premise of the app based on her description and demonstration was that you activate the app, hold it out in front of you, and do your squat. The device magically records how many squats you have accomplished. If you ask it, it will also tell you how many more you have left in your set and keep the results in a log for you.

I checked it out and apparently there are a multitude of free apps that will do this, free of charge. These same developers made one for push-up, pull-up and sit-ups. I think they've cornered the market on the 'ups' exercises.

On one hand, I am excited about any strategy that gets people up and moving. Motivation, for some, is in short supply. If a new app is going to coax you off the couch and into workout mode, have at it. The more you do, the better you are, and the happier that we'll all be (at least in theory).

On the other hand, I'm appalled. I can't imagine needing any sort of device that's greatest power is counting. How hard is it? One is followed by two. It's the same numbering system that you were taught when you were 3 years old and repeated when you were 4. Hey, remember that new technology called a piece of paper and a pencil? These are great devices that will aid in the recording of workouts. Plus, you don't need a separate sheet of paper to log sit-ups and pull-ups. They can be recorded on the same device.

Today's uber-reliance on electronics is getting out of hand. People now-a-days are living the slogan "there's an app for that". Whatever happened to just working out? It really is that simple. Want to do some push-ups? Lie on the floor, face down with your hands under your shoulders. Push. Up. Return to the starting position. Repeat as often as you like. Too hard? That's ok. There are variations (see left). Notice that in none of the cartoon drawings is there an iPhone. Those imaginary depictions of people get it.

Aside: Don't try doing an image search for 'push-ups' while you're at work. Sure, you'll get lots of hits. Mostly of hot chicks in bras. Oh, apparently there's also some new hiney-enhancing panties and, according to one source, a push-up thong. Advice- absolutely do that search, but save it for when you get home. End Aside.

It really would be nice if people ditched their iPhones for life once in a while. Just because there's an app for something doesn't mean that you need to use it. On the surface, people think that these tiny bits of technology are making their lives better. I disagree. I feel that they are perpetuating the laziness that keeps us on the couch in the first place. Ditch the iPhone. Down with the apps. They are like crack feeding an addiction which will never be quenched.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go for a run. I just need to check my Garmin and make sure the battery's charged and strap on my heart rate monitor. I'll upload the data to my database and analyze the workout from several different angles. When finished, I have plans to research about power meters that I hope to buy for my bike in the near future. 

But, I absolutely refuse to bring my iPhone during my run. That would just be silly.