Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Race Preview- River Ramble

There are a lot of people in my life of whom I draw inspiration. They support me. I support them. I am happy. None of which is as good of a support as The Wife. How she puts up with me and all the crap I can dish out if far beyond my intellectual capacity. In truth, I don't dwell on the thought. There are some questions better left un-answered (plus, I'm not sure even she knows the answer). I choose not to ask.

Anyway, the Wife suggested that we do a 5k run together this Saturday. As you'll notice, this race is not on my original schedule. The Wife asks- the Banter complies. So she signed us up for the River Ramble 5k. This race is providing me with more than normal amounts of stress. Well, any stress pre-race is not normal. I have not gotten pre-race jitters since high school.

Why should this race get my panties in an knot? Several reasons, really. First, the race is a fundraiser. This should come as no surprise. I'm pretty sure that all 5k's nowadays are fundraisers. So raising money for a good cause is not much of an issue. A good cause? The beneficiary is the local school for the deaf. The only school for the deaf in town. The Rochester School for the Deaf. This is my school. The money raised helps me keep my job. I paid for my own job. The Wife also works at the school. She paid for her own job. We are like perpetual money machines. The money that paid for my race came from the job. But the money from the job paid for the race. But, since I know the science behind the impossibility of perpetuation, the money's destined to run out before the job. Or is that the job will run out before the money? Can't you see why this is stressful?

The second cause of stress relates to The Wife's participation. As a guy, I am blessed with the ego-gene. And, part of the ego-gene is the competition addendum. Simply put, I must try to win. It doesn't really matter if I CAN win. I have to try anyway. The Wife's presence emboldens the gene, making it all that much more important to win. I must look good in front of the Wife. How else would she respect me as a man? It's certainly not for my blogging skills. I will not win this race. Further, making matters worse, the Wife would not be impressed if I did win. I don't get her sometimes.

Third, there are likely to be several people with whom I work and respect participating in the race. Some of these people include my students. Understand that, when I run, I sweat. Speed and sweat rate are not necessarily related. I know the process well. Start running and I'm feeling fine. At roughly the 2 minute mark, beads start to form on my brow. At the 4 minute mark, the sweating rash spreads to my chest and (ew) underarms. At the 15 minute mark, I've got a full body waterfall. Over the course of a 5k, I'll be nice and sloppy. One of the main ingredients, I'm sorry to report, is urea. Out comes cellular waste in all of its stinky glory. I have to find a way to run, sweat, stink, and still maintain the respect of my colleagues and students. I'm not sure this is possible.

Stress Relievers
The Wife, I am confident, is significantly smarter than I. If you ignore the fact that she married me, she's got a great head on her shoulders. Her response to my petty concerns? "Let's run together." Stress--> Gone.

Since she is the accountant/ money manager in the family, she's not concerned about the paradoxal cash flow conundrum. If she's not concerned, neither am I. Apparently, my job is not at all related to the well being of the event. Still, if you don't want to risk it, please consider a nice donation to our private- specialized education school. Should you wish to send some cash our way, you can get more information here.

Because we are running together, my pressure to win automatically subsides. Instead of crossing the line in first place, I get to cross the line with a hottie. Even the ego-gene recognizes the sacrifice of a victory over the prospect of being seen in public with a hot chick. Hot-chick attention trumps winning. Perfect.

The Wife under my arm at the finish... Okay, not literally, because I will still be sweaty and she's likely to be repulsed. But, since were married, she's (hopefully) used to my musk and therefore more willing to hold her tongue while repressing her gag reflex. And, since she's the sparkle in my eye and I find it tough to concentrate on the other people in the area, this renders socializing unnecessary. Still, socializing is bound to happen. I rationalize that the men will understand the situation (upon seeing the hot chick). The women will appreciate the gesture of giving up the competition for a nice run with the Wife. The students don't pay attention to me in class, why would they start on the weekend?

So, this weekend's fun run supports a good cause which has very little with me keeping my job. The race features a small incline stretched out over roughly a half mile. As an out-and-back, half road/ half trail run, the down happens on the out. There is a small decline heading into the chute, allowing for a fast, strong finish.

Should you not enjoy a run, there is a walk which leads you through the beautiful Maplewood Rose Garden. If that's not enough, there will be a garage sale, games for the kids, and live music. The Rochester School for the Deaf campus will be transformed to make this an event worth checking out. Plus, I'll be there. You recognize me as the doofus hanging out with a woman whose obviously out of his league. Just don't tell her that. Hope to see you there.

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