Wednesday, March 21, 2012

WW- Crazy Triathlete

I know that there are a significant number of things crazier than the Ironman. Still, I'm sure it takes a special kind of idiot to contemplate a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, and then a 26.2 mile run. Perhaps the first edition of your IM experience involves a drunken bet. Most people can understand and accept that (mostly because that's how the Ironman got started in the first place). But, to actually pay other people money year in/ year out for a sport that will never give you any cash back while sucking the life essence from you and the ones you love... That's a different story.

I'm pretty sure the entire sport is whacked in the first place. Swimming on its own is tough. Biking on its own is tough. Running on its own is tough. Ooh, I got an idea, let's take 3 individual sports that are all tough and make them harder by doing them back to back without stopping. We clearly have a screw loose.

Even the shortest distances in triathlon are misnamed "Sprints". Sprints are designed to be anaerobic in nature. Your anaerobic system kicks in immediately but gives up after around a minute. Not a single person on the planet can sprint a 1/3 mile swim. This is generally accepted as a medium distance event in competitive swimming. Certainly no one can sprint a 13 mile ride. Even the good people take around 30 minutes, far more time than aforementioned sprint. I've yet to see anyone sprint a 3.1 mile run. Seems impossible. Yet, some bloke decided to combine these distances into what is affectionately called a Sprint Triathlon.

So, I confess that the average triathlete is missing a few tools from the tool shed. I know this and I fully accept it. Then, just when you starting to come to terms with your abnormality, just when there are enough morons that think the same way you do, along comes a guy like this.

Let's count the crazy:
1. He's a triathlete
2. He's a juggler
3. He's a juggler-triathlete
4. He's swimming the backstroke (minus the stroke)
5. He's cycling on a mountain bike
6. He's running in Vibram Five Fingers
7. Did you happen to notice that he couldn't stop playing with his balls?
8. He's not wearing spandex. (Unrelated to #7)
9. He plans on competing this way
10. He'd still probably beat me in a race

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