Do you train enough?

Every time I go to the hair cut place, I tend to sit around waiting for one of the girls to call my name and finally cut my hair. Since I don't do a good enough job at planning ahead, I am stuck sitting in their super-small waiting room reading some of the old, disgusting, bacteria ridden, magazines that they have on their racks. Most of these magazines are geared to 10-17 year old girls. Perfect for my mentality.

These magazines seem to have a formula for success that they all follow (possibly because each is written by the same 4 people). They all have these sections:

• Make-up and beauty
• Relationships
• Exercise
• Health
• Make-up and beauty
• Nutrition
• Celebrity make-up and beauty
• Hair (the reason the magazine is in this establishment)
• Clothing

Almost always they will have a quiz. In my experience, 92% of the quizzes are titled, "Is he really into you? Take this quiz and find out." Upon further review, I have learned that he is indeed into me and that these highly scientific quizzes are generally spot on.

Once in a while, they have a quiz that seems to diverge from the usual. Therefore, I have created my own quiz in hopes that Cosmo, 17, or National Geographic will pick it up and run with it.

"Are you training enough? Take this quiz and find out"

1. Are you slower or fatter than you think you should be? (Regardless of the reality)
     A. No
     B. Yes

2. Have you ever gone outside for a workout and noticed that cars seem to pass you in groups of 4 or more followed by long periods of no traffic followed by cars passing you in groups of 4 or more?
     A. No
     B. Yes

3. Have you ever approached an intersection or a driveway while training outside to have a vehicle pull out in front of you and completely overlook the fact that you are attempting to share space?
    A. No
    B. Yes

4. Do you own any of the following: a bike trainer, treadmill, stair stepper, row machine, weight set, BowFlex, or other piece of athlete equipment?
     A. No
     B. Yes

5. If you answered yes to question 5, do you use any of these as a crutch in the event of crappy (via your own personal definition) weather?
     A. No
     B. Yes

6. While exercising outside, have you noticed that traffic in both directions will pass you at the exact same time, making it difficult for the vehicle closest to you to move over and grant space?
     A. No
     B. Yes

7. Have you ever considered ridiculous activities, such as stretching, Pilates, yoga, crossfit, PX90, or any device that can be seen on Saturday morning infomercials because you think it will make you a better athlete?
     A. No
     B. Yes

8. Does researching drills, skills, techniques, as well as reading semi-entertaining, loosely- based- on- sport blogs take up at least 75% of your internet bandwidth?
     A. No
     B. Yes

9. Do you have any coworkers or colleagues that think you are a tad bit wacko due to your 'obsession'?
     A. No
     B. Yes

10. Do you have a useless collection of shirts, trophies, medals, mugs, pins, posters and other gunk handed out from events that you don't want but can't seem to bring yourself to get rid of?
     A. No
     B. Yes

11. Have you ever taken a personal or sick day off of work because the weather was too perfect NOT to workout?*
     A. No
     B. Yes

12. Do you have a budget allowance for sport related expenses, such as gear, shoes, gadgets, race fees, race travel, etc?
     A. No
     B. Yes

13. Have you ever had a fantasy about one of the professionals in your sport that didn't involve sex, such as a nice 1-on-1 training session? (You are still allowed to have the sex fantasy if you want, but that is on a different quiz.)
     A. No
     B. Yes

14. Do you own at least 2 weeks worth of workout apparel just in case you don't have time to do laundry?
     A. No
     B. Yes

15. Has your spouse or significant other ever complained that training has interfered with couples time?
     A. No
     B. Yes

If you answered A to more than 5 of these questions, you definitely need to train more. Get to work.

If you answered A to 1-5 of these questions, you probably need to train more. Get to work.

If you answered B to ALL of these questions, you are really into the Banter you have found the sweet spot in training. Keep up the good work!

(*Um, just in case my boss is readying this... My official answer to this question is 'no'. By default, I have to train more.)