Proof Against Running Hills

I, like many others, recently participated in a glutton-fest commonly called Thanksgiving. I, possibly unwisely, decided that Turkey Day morn was the perfect time to do my long run. I wanted to empty the tank before I tipped the scales.

This recent week of running offered up a rare opportunity in course comparison. On Saturday of last week, I did a 9+ mile run in the confines of my local stomping grounds. Five days later, I repeated the process, only this time on my old stomping grounds.

One aspect of my training, not that I have anything to train for, is pacing on my long runs. I have a history of doing my mileage outside of my means, leaving me as spent and useless as a drooling vegetable. Most people don't notice the difference between this state and my normal state of being. But I know (and isn't that really all that matters?).

Anyway, back to the point of this post: comparing runs. Since I am a science teacher, I know everything a little bit about the geologic history of my neighborhoods. Currently, I live in upstate NY which has been glaciated by at least 2 major movements. My former home of NW Indiana has only been pummeled once and the ice didn't go that far. Now, if you think that scouring the Earth with miles high mounds of hardened water would have a flattening effect, you'd be wrong. Glaciers provide more contours than they eliminate. Untouched icescapes leave no deposits.

Translation: Indiana is flat.

Big deal. What the hill giveth on the way up the hill returneth on the way down. It all balances out in the end. Or so I thought. Then I gathered the proof.

Run 1: Upstate NY
This run takes place between 0.5 and 3 miles south of Great Lake Ontario. The temperature was balancing in the mid 50s. I set out to run at an 8:30 pace. I tend to suck at pacing and, contrary to expectations, ended up at 8:27 per mile. The hill profile below features 367 feet of elevation gain. Yet, according to Garmin, only 351 feet of loss even though I started and ended at the same place.

Run 2: NW Indiana

This run takes place between 5 and 6 miles south of Great Lake Michigan (which, in my opinion, is infinitely more fun of a Great Lake). The temperature was in the mid 50s. I set out to run at an 8:30 pace. Having recently succeeding at this objective a week ago, I remembered the feeling and intensity. I sought to maintain that level of perceived exertion. I, as per expectations (finally), failed miserably and held a 8:16 including an extra 0.5 miles in the run. The hill profile below shows an elevation gain of a whopping 83 feet. Enigmatically, Garmin shows a loss of 69 feet. See problem statement above.

Conclusion

Not running hills makes you faster. When you compare the 2 runs, the hillier run was significantly slower despite a shorter distance. Under similar times of day, similar weather conditions, and similar levels of pansy, the flatter run triumphed.

Therefore, don't believe the articles citing that you should do hill repeats. Running hills will not make you faster. In fact, the hills will slow you down. Avoid them at all costs. Find the flattest parcel of land and run on that. Your Garmin will thank you.

(P.S. That conclusion only applies to non-Banter coached athletes. My peeps will definitely be hitting the hills. But, since most of you are all local, you probably can't escape it anyway.)

WW- Getting Hot

I swear most of the details of this story are true. Sure, there are some minor embellishments, but that sort of thing is excusable on a blog like this.

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As you may know, we (meaning the Wife and I) moved into a new home earlier this year. (Aside: The old home is still available for purchase, should anyone with extra cash sitting around and willing to help out a struggling blogger. End Aside.)

With any new experience, there is a learning curve that goes along with the new dwelling. For example, we lose a ton of heat through the lack of insulation in the walls and attic. We are working on resolving that problem. Until then, our furnace is working to make up for the difference.

Speaking of new experiences and furnaces, our current heating fuel of obligated choice is oil. Oil furnaces are dirty, smelly contraptions. We are not really excited about the future of the world's oil reserves and therefore have purchased a nice, new, high efficiency natural gas burner. It gets installed next week Wednesday.

I think the old furnace is a little bit grumpy that it will soon be retired. On Monday of this week, it stopped working. This might have been the reason.

Okay, that's not my furnace, but only what I was expecting to see when I wove my way through the spider webs in my crawl space (another new adventure). As it turns out, there was absolutely no gunk in the tank. Which was, of course, the root of the problem. We were out of oil.

We contacted the local oil company that delivers sludge to our tank. The conundrum: We only need about 6 total gallons. Like 46 million others, we are traveling for Turkey (the poultry is better 550 miles away from my current home and tastes extra scrumptious after a nice long drive). Heat is not needed for most of the week. In fact, it's only needed for Sunday- Tuesday of next week. Then, the glorious new carbon dioxide producer will provide us with a nice tankless heating system that we don't need to fill.

Can you believe that the oil company would not sell us 6 gallons? Nooooooo, they needed to sell us 50 gallons. It's apparently not worth their time to pay a driver to deliver such meager portions. As the Wife was on the phone negotiating oil deliveries, I got on the internet and started researching alternative sources of heat for the next few days. I just learned that it's a bad idea to run your oven with the door open for extended periods of time. Who knew?

Since the Wife refused to allow me to drive one of the vehicles into the house and run the defrost on hi, I found a work around.

She didn't go for that idea either. I did find a solution that involved hooking my bike up to a steam-powered generator. The steam was created by pedal power. We were a little concerned about added stank (provided by me of course), which was one of the reasons we wanted a new furnace in the first place.

I do still have my old lawnmower from the other house. It produces an ungodly amount of heat as evidenced everytime a touch the device. I could harness that energy with the following set-up. We were actually considering this option until the Wife noticed that the dogs were scared to go into the living room.

In the end, we bought the oil. It's quite toasty in the house right now and our feelings of conservation are drastically reduced with the prospect of a new furnace next week.

By the way, if anyone is searching for any good deals for Christmas gifts, I will soon be selling about 44 gallons of furnace oil. Let me know if you are interested.

The Zen of Running

I had a conversation with a friend, recently, about running. Or more specifically, his lack of running. People often mistake me as a runner and I do my best not to correct them. In their eyes, I probably am a runner and it would be hard to explain the differences between what I do and what runners do. A big part of that problem is that I go running.

And I like it.

Which is the most challenging concept to explain to a non-runner from a semi-runner. How do I like running? What is it about running that makes you get up most days a just run?

Here's the thing about going for a run and enjoying it: It's not about the running. Or the exercise.

I think that running is a throw back to the original freedom. Before there were cars, there was running. Before there were bicycles, there was running. Running was the only real chance you had to 'run away' (think about the roots of that phrase and how we use it in today's life) from whatever it is that you need to get away. The freedom is so real you can taste it.

What I think most people miss out upon, including my non-runner friend, is the beauty of the land that is placed before you. The trees swaying in the wind. The grass landscaping my neighbors homes that gives them much pride. The squirrels going about their daily business of survival, bouncing to and fro. The birds soaring and playing in the breeze. The clouds gliding through the sky. The joy of my dog as he canters beside me without a care in the world. This is what I see when I run.

The wind blowing through the forest. The rustling of the leaves as they tumble across the field. The buzz of the insects as they practice their trade. The chirp of the crickets and the frogs as they search for their mates. The hum of the cars as they make their way on their daily business. The gurgle of the stream as it meanders towards its destination. This is what I hear when I run.

The pollen wafting through the air from the flowers readying new life. The slight woody smoke tingling the background as the people heat their homes. The fresh, humid scent of the lake as the air flows over its surface. The musk of my perspiration as I pound the pavement. The pleasant aroma of newly trimmed lawns. This is what I smell when I run.

The rumble of my muscles as they contract and relax through the movement. The warmth of the sun as I voyage across her illumination. The embrace of the wind as she wraps her arms around me. The kiss of the rain as it returns life giving water to the world. The sense of accomplishment and the knowledge that, on multiple levels, I am a better person when I am finished than I was before I started. This is what I feel when I run.

Those are the reasons I run. And will continue to do so until that privilege is taken away from me.

So, tell me, what gets you moving?

WW- Homework Issues

It's report card time. Millions of students have been diligently working towards a small sheet of paper sent home in the mail which will determine their:

• Allowance
• Additional levels of chores
• Amount of time to read semi-entertaining blogs
• Right to borrow dad's car

It is a completely different experience on this side of the grading system. First and foremost, I actually have to grade papers. This is something in which I do not excel. I'm pretty good at handing out homework. I'm not so good at giving it back. I guess showing up to races isn't all that I procrastinate with. But, just like in triathlon, I get the job done.

Perhaps if the students did high quality work, I'd be more motivated to look at their papers. Perhaps if the students did stellar assignments, my desire to pick up and decipher their handwriting would be enhanced. Or, maybe if they got a little creative, like the assignments below, I'd be happy to pull out my red pen. Maybe indeed.

2 correct answers

The science guy in me is rolling

How does the teacher know that?

Can't say it's wrong

I disagree. Right beer law

Here's some gender biased selections:

Ah, the proof

Must be from the south

When I draw it, it looks like a clown

For the athletes:

Clearly a non-runner triathlete

Teacher clearly not a triathlete

More can be found here.