Wednesday, June 27, 2012

WW-Reasons Chuck Norris is not an Ironman

I firmly believe that everyone fits in to one of 2 groups: the Triathlete or Soon-to-Be Triathletes. That's right! You are all SBR'ers or will be. It's just that awesome of a sport for you to pass up.

Let me be clear: All people on the planet have to potential to swim-bike-run.

Except for 1: Chuck Norris.

There is a simple flaw in the character of Chuck.

Now, before Chuck comes and hunts me down (and it's well within his rights to do so). There are reasons Chuck Norris has not done an Ironman or any other triathlon. When Chuck Norris tries the disciplines, there are, umm, complications.

It's not that he doesn't know how to swim nor that he won't. It's just that he has a hard time distinguishing between the water and the land.

When he rides his bike, the Chuck Norris cyclist is a target for motorists. It's just that he handles it a little better than most.

As far as running is concerned, there has never been any direct evidence of Chuck running. No pictures. No race results. He's just that fast. But, there has been some indirect evidence.

In the pic above you can see that he ran right down the middle of the road. Below is a spot where he shot a snot rocket, confirmed by DNA evidence.

Normally, this post would end here. As it happens, I am on summer break and have a little extra time on my hands. I am taking that time out on the blog, at least temporarily. So, continuing with the Chuck Norris theme, I bring you an amusing clip of Chuck reading some of his own facts:

Plus, I'm pretty sure that Chuck Norris doesn't have time for triathlon. He's constantly busy doing hero stuff, like stopping Hitler.

Even Hitler recognizes that Chuck Norris is a swimmer.

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