Long before I became a blogger, but well after the invention of the internet, I was browsing the Everymantri.com site. It's a pretty good site. It has training, race reports, and the what-not happenstances in triathlon.
Anyway, like I said, this story takes place a while ago, they had a competition.
If Chuck Norris raced a triathlon contest...
Recently, I was led to TriathlonHumor.com. I cannot believe I had never heard of this site before. It's got some good stuff. On it's list of awesome...
- Chuck Norris likes his toast with body glide and chain grease. What does he use to lube his chain? Terrorist tears.
- Chuck Norris didn’t get an Ironman tattoo, Ironman got a tattoo of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not use Body Glide; his nipples can cut steel.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need a wetsuite because water gets out of his way.
- Chuck Norris eats actual hammers for nutrition.
- Chuck Norris did Ironman Wisconsin and Ironman New Orleans. He never stopped swimming. The Mississippi River was created.
- Chuck Norris has only wrecked once, in Ironman Arizona. The aftermath of his crash is commonly known as The Grand Canyon.
- Chuck Norris has no need for aero bars, disc wheels, or a helmet. He simply stairs down the air and it moves out of his way.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a timing chip on his ankle. Once the race is over HE decides what his time should be.
- Chuck Norris does not need a razor to shave his legs. He just has to flex.
- Chuck Norris can volunteer at a triathlon and still win it.
- You know what Chuck Norris puts in his fuel belt? Fuel.
- Chuck Norris had to stop training for the bike. When he rode from east to west, the Earth’s rotation changed causing time to reverse. Later, the makers of Superman II stole his idea.*
- When Chuck Norris did Ironman, the lead motorcycle had to draft off him just to keep up
- Chuck Norris is allowed to buy “Finisher merchandise before the race.
- During the post-ironman interview, Chuck Norris responded with, “What race?”*
- If Chuck Norris got a flat on the bike, he would just take yours.
- The ongoing wind on the Queen K was created by one of Chuck’s round house kicks in 1983.
Go back to the Everymantri.com contest link. Here it is again in case you are too lazy to scroll up.
Step 1- Scroll to the bottom of the comments sectionThat's right! TriathlonHumor.com usurped my Chuck Norris jokes. They actually printed, not 1 but, 2 of my Chuck Norris creations marked * above. I am honored. You are welcome triathlonhumor.com. I like your site and the work that you do.
Step 1.5 (Optional)- Read through some of the comments
Step 2- Click on the "Show more comments"
Step 3- Repeat Steps 1-2 three (3) times
Step 4- Find comments posted by an idiot named Gary D.
P.S. As expected, I did not win the contest. I finished 4th.