WW- I need new gear

I'm in the midst of reviewing my last race. There were some technical problems with that race (along with some tactical problems) making it an extremely difficult review. One of my technical problems: my front derailleur. Okay, it wasn't as much of a problem as it was a no show.

Here's a pic of my bike sans front derailleur. The shifting device itself is in pristine shape. However, the thing that mounts the derailleur to the frame, technically called a 'hanger' as I've recently learned, has sheared in half. I've also recently learned that having a working part without it being able to be mounted to the frame is quite useless. So, I brought the bike to the LBS and of course they didn't have the piece in stock. I was stuck doing the whole race in the small gears as the chain refused to stay on top.

Since I'm at the store and spending money, my inhibitions are lowered. I had some time to kill and I started to look around at all of the neat things that I could have. Understand that a year or 2 ago, some idiot at the USAT headquarters published a study that suggested that the average triathlete brings home roughly $150k per year. I have never met one of these athletes, meaning that there are some exceptionally rich athletes out there needing to balance out my kind. As a result, anytime you attach the word 'triathlon' to something, the price gets inflated.

For example, I need a new watch. Not that there's anything wrong with my Garmin, it's just that this one is so cool.

It's waterproof up to 3300 feet, made of titanium, and it is powered by the motion of your body. For just $89,999, it is a steal at $55 thousand off the retail price. If you buy this before I place my order, I'll be pissed. (If you get the chance, go to the Amazon site and read the reviews/ user comments. You'll thank me later.)

Since I'm having issues with my bike, it may be time to upgrade. The performance bike market has expanded greatly. I am thinking on getting away with my old school carbon-fiber ride for something more titanium. How about this ride?

For only $40,000 you could own this gem. It features "technology and innovations derived from racing car, with the highest levels of fabrication and craftsmanship." Included, for no additional fee, is an on-deck cycling computer saving your Zenith watch for the run.

So, now that I've (potentially) got a new watch and a new ride, I need some cycling shades. My current Trifosi sunglasses are on their 3rd year and have a few scratches. Enter the Dolce & Gabanna 2027b sunblockers.  These bad boys are a steal at just $383, 609. It's got gold and diamonds. These precious minerals indicate durability. Plus, the price makes sense as $383, 610 would be absolutely ridiculous for these UVA/ UVB/ and UVC protectors.

Finally, I need new running shoes. I had considered these:

These are vintage Air Jordans. They are made of highly sustainable silver proving to be not too gaudy for everyday use. The problem is that they are designed for the basketball court and I doubt that they have the correct support needed for endurance training. But, at only $60,000, MJ has personally autographed them, making them almost worth the risk of using them in a race.

If you want something running specific, might I suggest picking up a pair of these- 2007 Shanghai Golden Grand Prixat from Shanghai. Silver can tarnish, but these golden running shoes are for the long haul. At only $24,000, these vintage sneakers weigh in at 620 grams of gold (my new Mizuno Wave Rider 15s are roughly 300 grams of shoe). The added weight is worth it when you consider how strong and efficient your legs will become after prolonged running blocks in these shoes.

Both of the shoe suggestions, along with a few others, can be found here.

As you can see, I am conflicted with so many options. Whereas I cannot boast the salary figures of the 'standard' triathlete, I can at least take steps to blend in with the right gear.