Confessions of A Chronic Procrastinator

The Farmer and the Snake

One winter day, a farmer found a snake by the roadside, stiff and motionless with cold.

"If you put me inside your shirt," the snake said, "your body will make me warm and I won't freeze to death."

"Oh, I know your kind," replied the farmer. "If I pick you up, you will bite me."

"Oh no," the snake objected. "Why would I do such a thing, if you are good enough to help me?"

So the farmer had compassion on the snake, and taking it up, he put it inside his shirt. The warmth quickly revived the snake, and resuming its natural instincts, it bit its benefactor, inflicting on him a mortal wound. "Oh," cried the farmer with his last breath, "why did you bite me? You promised you wouldn't."
"Ah," said the snake. "So I did. But you knew I was a snake when you picked me up."

There have many incarnations of this story, from many Native American tales to Aesop to popular musical lyrics of Al Wilson to various religious stories. As I read the story, I can't help but feel a connection to the moral. No I'm not a snake (at least I don't think so), but I am a procrastinator, which is a different kind of serpent.

Examples from my Youth
I used to calculate the maximum amount of sleep I could get before school. Here's how it worked: I am a creature of habit. My morning routine was relatively unchanged. Get up. Potty. Shower. Brush. Change. Eat. Leave. Rather simple and easily repeated. One day, I noticed that I was hitting the snooze button. That extra 9 minutes meant something to me...less sleep. I decided to eliminate the snooze. Then, I started combining morning steps. I could brush while in the shower. I could leave and eat at the same time. Thus, I saved valuable minutes, accomplished all my morning requirements, and maximized sleep minutes. Sadly, sometimes things didn't work out the way I had planned (no clean clothes, no food, someone else beat me to the bathroom, etc). The consequences varied from going hungry to going smelly (Note: Popularity was not a concern of mine). All could have been solved by getting up a few minutes earlier but I made a conscious effort to put it off.

I was your classic nerd in school. Knew-it-all. (See note on popularity.) That's KNEW, as in past tense. I refuse to comment on the present in this portion of the story. Homework seemed like a waste and I refused to bring it home. Unlike most students with this view, I excelled in school. I got good grades on assignments and on tests. How was this possible? Multitasking. See, I would do homework for the next class in the one prior. I developed a skill of taking notes while doing homework. Worked for me. Once in a while, I would fail to complete it all (lousy teacher standing over my shoulder).Was I the best student in class? Nope. But I could have been if only I'd have taken the extra few minutes to do my work ahead of time.

My second pure marathon (done before I found triathlon), was Chicago in 1999. Me and a group of buddies were still in the car searching for parking when the gun went off. The race had started and  hadn't arrived on site. We were not concerned. There were 30,000 people in the race. We parked the car about a half mile out and ran with our gear. When we showed up, the line was still quite long. We had time to go to the bathroom, drop off our gear bag, flirt with some of the volunteers, and jump in line. And to imagine some of those chumps got there an hour or 2 ahead of time. We wasted not a single minute and got to start the race with the rest of the clowns that morning (some were literally clowns).

Not Much Has Changed
Last week, I did the Corporate Challenge with a few of my work buddies. They had obviously not grown up in a world of procrastination. Their thought, let's leave for the race 2-hours pre-start. "But" I chided, "there's so much more we can accomplish in life with that extra time." I wanted to go for a longer bike ride, cut the grass, eat dinner, hang out with the Wife, play with the PRP, and much more. Granted, I had a good time with the Cast so I have no regrets. If it were not for them, I would have arrived at 6:50, roughly 10 minutes before the race, and wondered why I showed up so early.

Don't believe me? Take this weekend's races, when I arrived at the River Ramble, I noticed the official race timer counting down to the start time. It was T-minus 8 minutes and counting. I had my race bib in the building on the other side of campus and had to use the facilities. Plenty of time. After a short walk to the other side which I now lovingly refer to as 'the warm-up', the Wife and I made it back to the start line at T-minus 45 seconds. Crap, I still had thee-quarters of a minute to kill. I guess I'll just stand around like everybody else.

Okay, I admit, that these examples are from lower priority functions. What about the real deal? Not much different for me. I did the Keuka Lake Triathlon. The first real multisport event of the year was this weekend. I've been waiting 8 months for this day. What did I do? I calculated the last possible moment I could get up, get the Wife up (she went with as a fan :-) ), wake up the dogs (more fans), and drive to the race site. Keep in mind that I had to drive 90 minutes to get there. Worse, triathlon has stuff that you need to set up. In a run, you show up. You run. You leave. In tri, you place your bike in transition, set up your helmet and glasses, set up both sets of shoes, make sure you have water and nutrition, get your cap and goggles, body glide necessary areas, and a lot more. You have stickers and numbers you need to attach to the various parts of you gear and self. Further, the RD's feel the need to kick you out of transition long before (15 minutes) the race actually starts. That's 15 minutes of standing around doing nothing when I could be setting up my gear. So, the advertised time transition close time was 7:15. What time did I arrive on race site? 7:02 and I had not picked up my race packet yet. I walked out of transition at 7:14.35 grumpy about the extra 25 seconds.

Surely I change my ways for the big, expensive races. Well, maybe. For the 2010 Ironman Lake Placid, I did get up at 4:00 am for a race that started at 7:00 am. I woke up specifically for feeding. The science says that you should eat roughly 3-4 hours pre-race. Notice how I calculated my wake up time on the more-sleep side of the spectrum. We stayed in a house about 1 mile and a half away from transition. Transition closed at 6:45. What time did I make an appearance? 6:35. I got everything set-up and my special needs down to the pile on time. Showed up to bob up and down in the mass swim start with an extra 4 minutes to spare. I hope to be more efficient this year.

I've Been Bitten
As I sit here idly waiting for a couple of things to happen (race results to be posted and knee pain to subside), I am thinking deep thoughts about characteristics and personality. Mainly, I am thinking about how much time I waste doing non-productive things (such as blogging) and how often I put off taking care of responsibilities. I do actually take care of business, I just don't do it early. Classic procrastination.

Take training: I put off swimming until the last possible date. I don't get serious in the water until about 6-8 weeks out from the main event. I don't need much more time than that to get in good swimming shape. Why start something today that which could be put off until tomorrow? I start biking and running much earlier in the year because it takes that long to build up the necessary speed and endurance to compete at the IronLevel. Not that I'm all that competitive yet. The distance also requires several years to get good. Too bad no one told me that years ago.

If I showed up to a race early, would I benefit? Probably. I would have a chance to warm-up properly. Check out transition and go through the motions. I might get a chance to socialize and develop relationships that would benefit me in the sport. Maybe I could find a workout partner or 2. Maybe I could learn a few new tricks. All of this appeals to me. Will I actually show up to a race early? Doubtful. But, hey, I knew I was a procrastinator when the triathlon-snake bit me.

Race Review- River Ramble

This weekend featured a modified double event. It was modified in a couple of different ways: First, the races were organized by different groups with different causes (as opposed to the last time I doubled, which were the same people and cause). Second, the Saturday's race wasn't really a race for me. Do not let that statement detract from the amount of my enjoyment.

The River Ramble
If you were to envision a good day for running, it might go like this: Not too cold, not to hot. Maybe have the temperature linger near 60º. Take the sun and drop it behind the clouds. Allow a breeze, but make it a gentle one. Also, the breeze should be in your face on the downhill and at your back going up. Next, don't hold the race first thing in the morning. Put it off until most of America is readily awake, say 9:00 am. Then, set-up a race course that crosses zero streets. There's no need to control traffic. Last, hold the event so that after you cross the finish line, there are ample games, food, and even live music. Put all of that together and you got the River Ramble held on Saturday, June 4th.

The Good
I opted to run with the Wife, side-by-side, step-for-step. One of my students asked me if I was "racing" or "hanging out". I just pointed at the Wife. He understood. Still, he's aching to run against me head-to-head. Based on his finish time and my recent running abilities, I would have beat him. There's no glory in that reality for me. I was happy right where I was. Here's some quotes heard on the course:

• "Hey (Banter), get up there as show those kids how to run." (Which I replied, 'I'd rather stay here and show those kids how to hang out with a hot chick.')
• "The couple that races together, stays together."
• "I'm cold, give me your sweatshirt." (I do like it when she wears my clothes.)

The Wife held a blistering pace of 8:35 per mile (unofficial) and finished a step ahead of me (official). I got chicked by my own wife. Proud moment indeed.

The Bad
My only improvement idea for this race would stem from parking. The RSD Campus had several parking lots closed and they (cheaply) rented parking space from a nearby manufacturing complex. Still, none of this was adequate and several people (myself included) parked illegally. If you're going to host an event on campus, use your campus and resources.

The Ugly
I noticed a reoccurring pain in my right knee. Not good. I am very concerned especially since I am out of time. The big races of my season are quickly approaching and I want to hit them hard.

Coming soon to a blog-post near you, my experiences at the Keuka Lake Triathlon. I'm waiting for the results to be posted before I dive into that post.

Race Preview- Keuka Lake Triathlon

There's only a few times in my life I can remember this happening. Most of them are repressed. I am at a loss for words. I'm kind of giddy with anticipation. Triathlon season in the New England has finally arrived.

It feels kind of weird to say that. First, I am not used to saying I live in the 'New England' area. I am a mid-Westerner at heart, having been born and raised roughly 45 miles outside of Chicago for most of my life. I'm not even sure what the main difference is. Most everything here is the same there, right down to the accent. Still feels weird to say it though.

Second, it's been a long, cold, crappy winter. With more than our fair share of below average temperatures, more than out fair share of precipitation, more than our fair share of the Banter whining about life bike workouts in the basement as opposed to on the roads. Triathlon off-season here is roughly 8 months long. It hardly seems fair to endure 4 months of triathlon freedom. I may need to change my 2-hour commute rule.

My History with KLT
After the long, hard wait, triathlon season kicks off with the Keuka Lake Triathlon. This race will mark the 4th time I've competed at KLT. I did this race a few years back as a sprint distance. After my second bout with the event, I dropped it from my schedule. I know it's highly unpopular to post negative comments about an event, but I'm really into sincerity. So, in all honesty, I hated this race. The swim course was frustrating. The water was cold back then (58º) and I had to rent a wetsuit. (I was a rookie and had not discovered the wet-suit advantage.) The bike portion was amongst the worst, if not at the top of the list, of bad surfaces. The run course was on the Keuka College campus and was confusing. I had nothing but negative emotions and I promised myself I wouldn't do that race again.

Soon thereafter, I caught the Ironman bug. Pre-IM, I was really into sprint distance triathlons. They are still my favorite. But, since the M-dot events are long and drawn out, I started to put longer distance races on my calendar. In 2010, I made the move to put Keuka Lake back on my calendar. Am I an oath breaker? Not in my mind because I upped the distance. I would no longer do the sprint distance but now will hit the olympic/ intermediate distance race.

The 2010 KLT was my first oly distance triathlon and it sucked. I wasn't about my fitness, though. Whatever issues I had in the past with the swim course were solved and the improved swim was welcomed. The course was a modified triangle. Swim out to the first buoy, hang a left, swim short to the next buoy and another left, then swim a long, long way until the final left that sends you home. Given that Keuka Lake is a finger lake, carved out by glacier movement, there is quite the steep slope leading from the water's edge to transition. You have to cope with a nice stair climb to get to your bike.

I find that transition at the KLT is smaller than necessary. The space available for racking your bikes is close to infinite. Keuka College is a beauty with lots of green. But the bikes are sardined. Still, it wasn't that challenging to find your bike should you have a clue as to what you are doing.

The bike course still sucked. Route 54a, in my opinion, was the worst kept road in the state of NY. A long stretch of the course was on this every-15-feet hit a bump, hole, expansion crack, groove, etc. There was absolutely no way to stay comfortable on your bike. Luckily for most of the competitors, there were not many race officials out on the course. If so, there would have been more people serving time penalties for dropped gear/ littering on the course. Water bottles could not stay in their cages. Mesh splash guards from aero bottles (including mine) dotted the course like a herd of small, yellow road kill.

Once I turned off of this disaster-pit of a route, the road was freshly paved. It was like pure heaven... Until my flat tire. A nice little piece of glass wedged itself into my rear wheel with about 4 miles left in the ride. I dutifully changed the tire. After another mile, I got back into my groove. Psst. Flat tire #2, this time due to a sharp rock which embedded itself into, again, my rear tire. Luckily I pack enough fix-it gear to handle 2 flats. This is mostly for training purposes but it came in handy during the race.

One nice aspect of a small transition area is fast transition times. It doesn't take too long to traverse a dinky plot of land. If you rack your stuff correctly, transitions of under 30 seconds are highly possible.

Whatever those people were smoking a few years back when they mapped out the run course seemed to metabolize out of their systems. The 2010 run course was along the lakeside road. If you looked to the east, the beauty of the lake serenaded your eyes with its nature music. And, because of of it's proximity to the lake, it was flat. Pancake like. If you ran the sprint, go out for a mile and a half, turn around, and come back. For the oly, go 3 miles and come back. You can't get lost.

My Future with the KLT
The current swim course for the 2011 will feature the new and improved course that I enjoyed a year ago. It's just shy of a mile, or about 1400 yards if you wanted to swim along at home. This year's water temp is still well below the USAT wetsuit cutoff temp, sitting on 62º as of June 2nd. I'm still a bit out of shape for swimming but I've done longer distances on less training. To compensate for my lack of yardage, I will be testing out my new Xterra Vector Pro long-sleeved wetsuit. This is, hopefully, an upgrade from my previous Nineteen sleeveless suit. But, that's the purpose of these races in my schedule. I need to test out the gear and learn my lessons before the big day. Since this will be my first open water swim of the season, it's as good a time as any to learn.

I was fretting the bike until I got wind that the state finally decided to dump some asphalt down on Rt 54a. There's even a rumor that they sent in someone with a roller to make it smooth. No more will the course feel like a featured event at 6 Flags. I still think that my biking speed is down from a year ago. But, if I can avoid any unnecessary tire changes, I should do good. The bike course features some rolling hills early with a beast of a climb about halfway through. The climbing is over 1000 feet total. The positive is the decline on your way back setting up your legs for a nice run.

My running is faster in 2011 than in last year. I ran an average of 7:15 off the bike. Granted, I had the pleasure of a couple of large biking breaks taking some of the strain off my legs. The run course, as advertised is quite flat, featuring roughly 75 feet of ascent. It feels like less. I'm hoping to hit 7:00 per mile or better. 

The 2011 triathlon season is here. With new roads and good weather in the forecast, I couldn't be happier. It's the itch that I finally get to scratch. With a totally revamped course, I will probably keep this race on my schedule for years to come. I may even rescind my "won't do the sprint" vow. Bring on the tri!

Race Preview- River Ramble

There are a lot of people in my life of whom I draw inspiration. They support me. I support them. I am happy. None of which is as good of a support as The Wife. How she puts up with me and all the crap I can dish out if far beyond my intellectual capacity. In truth, I don't dwell on the thought. There are some questions better left un-answered (plus, I'm not sure even she knows the answer). I choose not to ask.

Anyway, the Wife suggested that we do a 5k run together this Saturday. As you'll notice, this race is not on my original schedule. The Wife asks- the Banter complies. So she signed us up for the River Ramble 5k. This race is providing me with more than normal amounts of stress. Well, any stress pre-race is not normal. I have not gotten pre-race jitters since high school.

Stressors
Why should this race get my panties in an knot? Several reasons, really. First, the race is a fundraiser. This should come as no surprise. I'm pretty sure that all 5k's nowadays are fundraisers. So raising money for a good cause is not much of an issue. A good cause? The beneficiary is the local school for the deaf. The only school for the deaf in town. The Rochester School for the Deaf. This is my school. The money raised helps me keep my job. I paid for my own job. The Wife also works at the school. She paid for her own job. We are like perpetual money machines. The money that paid for my race came from the job. But the money from the job paid for the race. But, since I know the science behind the impossibility of perpetuation, the money's destined to run out before the job. Or is that the job will run out before the money? Can't you see why this is stressful?

The second cause of stress relates to The Wife's participation. As a guy, I am blessed with the ego-gene. And, part of the ego-gene is the competition addendum. Simply put, I must try to win. It doesn't really matter if I CAN win. I have to try anyway. The Wife's presence emboldens the gene, making it all that much more important to win. I must look good in front of the Wife. How else would she respect me as a man? It's certainly not for my blogging skills. I will not win this race. Further, making matters worse, the Wife would not be impressed if I did win. I don't get her sometimes.

Third, there are likely to be several people with whom I work and respect participating in the race. Some of these people include my students. Understand that, when I run, I sweat. Speed and sweat rate are not necessarily related. I know the process well. Start running and I'm feeling fine. At roughly the 2 minute mark, beads start to form on my brow. At the 4 minute mark, the sweating rash spreads to my chest and (ew) underarms. At the 15 minute mark, I've got a full body waterfall. Over the course of a 5k, I'll be nice and sloppy. One of the main ingredients, I'm sorry to report, is urea. Out comes cellular waste in all of its stinky glory. I have to find a way to run, sweat, stink, and still maintain the respect of my colleagues and students. I'm not sure this is possible.

Stress Relievers
The Wife, I am confident, is significantly smarter than I. If you ignore the fact that she married me, she's got a great head on her shoulders. Her response to my petty concerns? "Let's run together." Stress--> Gone.

Since she is the accountant/ money manager in the family, she's not concerned about the paradoxal cash flow conundrum. If she's not concerned, neither am I. Apparently, my job is not at all related to the well being of the event. Still, if you don't want to risk it, please consider a nice donation to our private- specialized education school. Should you wish to send some cash our way, you can get more information here.

Because we are running together, my pressure to win automatically subsides. Instead of crossing the line in first place, I get to cross the line with a hottie. Even the ego-gene recognizes the sacrifice of a victory over the prospect of being seen in public with a hot chick. Hot-chick attention trumps winning. Perfect.

The Wife under my arm at the finish... Okay, not literally, because I will still be sweaty and she's likely to be repulsed. But, since were married, she's (hopefully) used to my musk and therefore more willing to hold her tongue while repressing her gag reflex. And, since she's the sparkle in my eye and I find it tough to concentrate on the other people in the area, this renders socializing unnecessary. Still, socializing is bound to happen. I rationalize that the men will understand the situation (upon seeing the hot chick). The women will appreciate the gesture of giving up the competition for a nice run with the Wife. The students don't pay attention to me in class, why would they start on the weekend?

So, this weekend's fun run supports a good cause which has very little with me keeping my job. The race features a small incline stretched out over roughly a half mile. As an out-and-back, half road/ half trail run, the down happens on the out. There is a small decline heading into the chute, allowing for a fast, strong finish.

Should you not enjoy a run, there is a walk which leads you through the beautiful Maplewood Rose Garden. If that's not enough, there will be a garage sale, games for the kids, and live music. The Rochester School for the Deaf campus will be transformed to make this an event worth checking out. Plus, I'll be there. You recognize me as the doofus hanging out with a woman whose obviously out of his league. Just don't tell her that. Hope to see you there.